


Back Where He Wants To Be

by christy_ao3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fix-It, Light Angst, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2020-12-17 09:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christy_ao3/pseuds/christy_ao3
Summary: When Steve went to return the stones, he's not only bringing the stones with him but the slightest hope of bringing Natasha back.No one really expected how easy to get the sacrifice back opposite to how hard it is to get the stone, but no one's gonna complain on getting Natasha Romanoff back, it's what everyone wanted.After Steve got Natasha back they sat down for a moment and talked about the possibilities of Steve staying in his original time. What happens if he stays, how will it affect Natasha.“You’re thinking of staying…” she’s stating more than questioning.“I’m not sure Nat... I got a new life here..."“But that’s not the life you wanted…” Steve turned to look at Natasha for the first time since they talked about these possibilities.---Two years since Steve came back and Natasha is still hesitant to meet nor speak to him. The pain he has caused was enough even for Black Widow.Steve went to visit the Barton's one day in hopes to get news of Natasha when he saw a photo frame of her with the kids."Is she happy?""She is.".





	1. A Soul For A Soul

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for a characters with a huge fandom and English is not my first language so please bear with my grammatically wrong sentences and might have misspell some words or used a wrong one. I hope I could convey all the emotions this story is supposed to convey with the limited English I have. Hope you still give it a try. Thanks.

**2014 Vormir**

Steve's still has two last trips to return the stones to its original timeline— saving the two important times for last.

He starts to climb the mountain, hopeful that maybe... _just maybe_ he could bring Natasha back once he returns the stone.

“Steve Rogers, son of Sarah.” Red Skull greeted him upon his arrival at the top of the hill.

Steve recognized his voice but to his surprise it’s the least he cares about now, all he really does is to return the stone and possibly get Natasha back, if not... at least get to say his goodbye to her. The goodbye they were deprived of the moment they went to different times.

“You're here to return the stone and seek for something in return.” Red Skull moved over the edge of the cliff as he continues, “In my time here, no one has ever returned it yet, but I doubt you'll get what you came for.”.

“There's no harm in trying.” he took the stone from the case, and for a minute he held it close to his heart before he continues speaking, “So how do I return this?”.

“To where the sacrifice happened.” Red Skull then left him alone to have his moment.

Steve moved closer to the edge and took the courage to look down where Natasha jumped off. He found nothing, no body but a stain of dried blood still evident even from where he is standing.

He brought his hand with the stone in front of him and grinned on it bitterly, “See you in a minute, huh?” the grin on his face slowly fading as he puts on a straight face, “So why didn’t you came? You just wanted one of us to fetch you, don’t you?”.

He released a heavy sigh as he let his hand fall on his side, still holding on to the stone, “Well guess you’re lucky enough. I’m here just for that... I really hope this works Nat.”.

He blinked once, twice, trying to contain the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “I said we don’t trade lives, but here you are. Right… you’re Natasha Romanoff, when do you ever listen?” he smiles sadly as he recalls all those times Natasha protected them. He recalled how Natasha was unwilling to give up Vision when Thanos first came to Earth, but never did she think twice of taking the fall in behalf of everyone.

Well, that’s how they are, the Avengers… they always protect each other no matter what price they should pay.

After a moment of silence, Steve finally decided to drop the stone off the cliff. “See you in a minute, Nat.”.

And for a moment he wonders what happened, suddenly he feels water all over him. He opened his eyes and realized he was... sleeping? He sat down, trying to register what happened… all he could remember was returning the stone and then this…

“Steve?” he recognizes the voice, it’s undeniably Natasha’s, he slowly turned to where the voice came from. On his right he sees Natasha sitting few feet away from him, looking as puzzled as he is. Then he thought, it worked, he found his body relaxes all relieved at the sight of Natasha.

“You’re back, it worked.” He moved over to hold Natasha in his arms and for a moment they stayed glued into each other’s arms. Steve pulled back to look at her and examine if she’s bleeding anywhere, “Does anything hurt?” he asks.

“No, I… guess I’m fine. Yeah.” She slightly tilted her head back to look at Steve’s face, eyes full of questions, “What happened? I was… did it work? Is everyone back?”.

Steve took a deep breath before answering. “Yeah, it worked Nat, thanks to you.”.

He pulled her out of the water and guided them to the nearest rock they could sit on. “I’m on a mission.” He started, “Returning the stones…” Natasha filled in for him, nodding in understanding.

”And I guess in exchange for returning the soul stone, we got you back.” He looks at Natasha, his eyes shows how thankful he is that it worked. No one really thought it would.

“So it’s not an everlasting exchange after all.” She grinned at the thought.

“No one has ever returned it so maybe no one really knew and just assumed it is.” Steve stated his opinion. “But I’m glad it’s not Nat.” he looked at her, sincerity evident in his eyes.

“Me too.”

———

Natasha checked on her suit if she’s still able to return to the present time. “I’m glad this didn’t broke or I’m gonna be stuck here in 2014.” She grinned, setting up her time travel suit to 2023.

“So you still have one left to return?” Steve nods, “1970s” she took a moment to digest all the possible outcome once he returns to the past. Hearing from Steve how he saw Peggy few days ago when they were collecting the stones she can’t help but comments, “You’re thinking of staying…” she’s stating more than questioning.

Steve took a moment to answer, “I don’t know… I might want to come further back in time. To when I lost the chance with her.”.

Natasha tries to hold on to her breath hearing Steve’s possible plans of staying in the past.

“I’m not sure Nat. I once thought the man who wanted that life was left in the ice and another one comes out. I got a new life here, the Avengers… I got Bucky back, I have you.”. Natasha was waiting for Steve to look at her wanting for him to say that last three words while looking into her eyes but Steve was instead looking at his feet, clearly weighing all the emotions he has about this life and the life he lost in the past.

Natasha finding Steve unable to look at her, turned her gaze to somewhere else… to nothingness, as she felt empty with the thought of Steve doubting the idea of staying in the present — with his new found life, with the Avengers, with her. “But that’s not the life you wanted…” Steve turned to look at Natasha for the first time since they talked about these possibilities.

Steve wanted to assure her it’s not like that, that he’s happy in the present time, but he can’t find the words to tell her… deep down he’s also questioning himself, is this not the life he wanted? _The one with Peggy in it._


	2. Changes After My Return (Steve)

** 2023 **

“Coming back in 3… 2… 1…”

“Where is he?”

In the moment of chaos, everyone suddenly went silent… speechless of the person in front of them.

Natasha.

Instead of Steve, Natasha appeared in the podium. It took a while before Bruce finally speaks, “Nat, you’re back.”, he went near Natasha to examine her for injuries and when he found nothing he pulled her in for a hug, “Nat you came back.” disbelief in his voice but grateful nonetheless.

Sam also went to her, tears in his eyes as he welcomed her back, and Bucky gave her a smile from a distance.

“Where’s Steve?” Bruce finally asked.

Every second felt like an hour as Natasha takes her time to answer that simple question. “Back where he wants to be.”, she says holding on to the strength she has left, not allowing herself to breakdown in front of anyone. She then stepped off the podium and went to the cabin where Pepper, Tony and Morgan are probably waiting for Steve’s return as well.

Natasha went inside expecting to see them but she only saw Pepper and Morgan. “Hi?” she speaks as to inform them of her presence.

Pepper turned to her, shock painted all over her face. Froze from where she’s standing, “Natasha…” a tear fell from the corner of her eye and she finally found the strength to approach her. She held Natasha’s shoulders, feeling her presence, making sure she’s real. “You’re real… you’re here. God, Nat.” she cried as she hugged her to which Natasha willingly returned.

Wanda came in and saw Pepper and Natasha holding on to each other, she dropped whatever she was holding trying to digest the scene in front of her. She brought her free hand to cover her mouth as Natasha took notice of her. Natasha smiled, Pepper slowly letting go of Natasha to give Wanda some time with her.

“Wanda” she approached the young lady who still remains in a state of shock, “It’s good to have you back.”. She then hugged her, she missed her so much as much as Wanda misses her too. One of the closest person she was fighting so hard to get back, now finally in her arms.

“It’s me who’s glad to have you back, Natasha.” Wanda counters holding on her tighter, crying in her arms as she let  herself cherish this moment of having her back, the sister figure she had all this years, even the mother figure at times.

***

Back in the lake, the three men are still waiting for Steve to re-appear in the platform. For a moment they thought he’s not coming back, that maybe Natasha really meant what she said.

Bruce and Sam looking defeated of having lost yet another teammate, a leader, a friend— a family.

“Steve” Bucky  silently called for him. Steve standing on the podium holding a black circular bag on his left hand.

“Man you scared me for a moment there, thought you really went fossil-ed.” Sam jokes as he step onto the platform to give Steve a hug.

“Has no one taught you to never scare someone like that?” Bruce chimes in, shaking his head in disbelief before he went back to the controls to power the machine off.

Steve led Sam to the near bench beside the lake, soon as they’re a distance from them he handed Sam the bag he’s carrying. Sam unzipped it and revealed the shield inside it. “Try it on.”

Sam took a moment and turned to Bucky who’s watching from where he was standing, Bucky just gave him a nod of approval then Sam looked back at Steve. He took the shield out of the bag and tried it on, “How does it feel?” Steve asked.

Sam smiled a little and said, “Like it’s someone else’s.”

Steve smiled back at him, “It isn’t.”

Sam examined Steve, he barely changed aside from the ring he took notice on his finger. “You wanna tell me about her?”.

Steve glances at his ring and smiled, “No, I don’t think I will.”.

After catching up with Steve and keeping the machine away, they went back to the cabin to meet everyone who’s left. 

Thor went with the guardians to the galaxy, Scott went home, Carol back to space, Okoye and T’Challa going back to Wakanda having a lot of reconstruction to do and people to heal.

Hill and Fury went their way to who knows where, Clint and his family back to their farm. All who’s left in the cabin were Wanda, Peter, Rhodey and of course Pepper.

“Steve. I thought…” Pepper stopped before she could finish her sentence.

“Where’s Natasha?” he asked after seeing her absence. Natasha should be here, she came back. He saw her put the right coordinates on her suit not too long ago— for him ‘years’ ago.”.

“She’s left, not too long ago.” Pepper answers in behalf of everyone in the room. 

“To where?”

“No one knows.” Wanda answers this  time, a strong will to not give him the answer he wants. Steve looked at her,  searching for answer he hopes she will give him. Wanda returns his gazed with  nothing but disappointment, “Says she needs time to figure things out.” She  turns away and brought her cup of coffee at the level of her mouth before she  adds, “Wonder why she has to.” A bit of bitterness in her voice.

***

Two years has passed, Steve still hasn’t talk to Natasha nor knows anything about her whereabouts.

One day he visited the compound and  overheard Wanda talking on the phone with her. “I missed you Nat, I’ll see you  soon.” And when he walks closer to where Wanda is, he found her hanging up the  phone already.

They've always been very careful not to mention about Natasha when he’s around, not really for his sake but for Natasha’s— at least that’s how he feels towards Wanda and Pepper about his situation with Natasha. They were not treating him differently than before but with Natasha in the equation, it’s different.

Few weeks after he came back from his time travel though, Wanda was distant from him. He felt like he has done something wrong— which he knows it’s about leaving everything he has, everything he has built, to go back in time.

Eventually, Wanda apologized for treating him unfairly, that she should have been more understanding from the start but he understood why she acted like that. He did  leave them for the life he once wanted and Wanda is still young, lost everything she deeply loves and cares about and the last thing she wanted was to lose another ‘next to’ family she has left. And with him going to the past, feels like she has lost him too... and given how deep Wanda’s relationship with Natasha he knows that’s partly her reason too.

Steve got pulled from his thoughts when Sam saw and called for him, “Steve.” He turned his head to to where Sam is, gave him a nod and turned back to Wanda who is now facing him, “How is she?”.

Wanda stepped closer to give him a quick hug, “She’s fine.” Steve looking right into her eyes, as if begging to finally tell him where Natasha is. “Steve…” she sighs, “You know I want to tell you, but it’s not for me to say.”.

Sam seeing how desperate his friend is adds in, “It’s not everyone who knows where she is.” hoping it’ll make him feel a little better.

Steve presses his lips together before saying, “But you know?” then he turns to Sam for an answer.

He doubts Sam does,  Natasha knows better than to tell someone who’s close to him. It’s not that she’ll doubt Sam would betray her trust but she know situation might not give Sam a  choice.

In the other hand, Sam knows Steve will never doubt him, he also understand why  Natasha didn’t let him know where she is. They’re close enough that Natasha  spared him the weight of feeling he has to choose between her and Steve, to which he’ll never do. “I don’t, I just— she meets  with us sometimes.”

“Not all of us.” Bucky chimes in as he enters the common room they are in, “I haven’t meet her since that day, well aside from her rare visit to check on things.”

Pepper who was there for a visit also took part of the conversation, “Have you asked Clint?” Rhodey stood by her side just listening to everything.

Steve shook his head in defeat, “Pepper, I have. He’s not telling me anything either.”

Wanda who can’t bare to have this conversation any longer with the guilt of having to know where she is but not being able to break Natasha’s trust took Pepper’s visit a chance to excuse herself, “Is Morgan at Bruce’s lab? I’ll just go see her.” To which Pepper nods in response.

Rhodey finally spoke few words, “Man, you’re a mess.” Before retreating to his room. Steve furrowed, trying to make something out of that.

“Steve, I honestly want to help you but you know I respect Natasha’s decision.” Pepper gave him an apologetic look. Steve wanted to ask why Natasha doesn’t want to see nor talk to him but he knows deep down why.

Only Wanda, Pepper and Clint knows where Natasha is and  aside from them, Sam, Rhodey still get to meet up with her outside work sometimes.

Thor on the  other hand has met her few times when he visits earth, Natasha can’t put into  words how thankful she is to him knowing he went with the guardians to find a  way to bring her and Gamora back, refusing to accept the fact that there’s no  way they could reverse the exchange.

Only after few months since Natasha came back did Thor finally got notified about Natasha, through Carol who visits earth more often now.

Thor and the Guardians returned to the galaxy to continue searching for a way to reverse the exchange Thanos did with Gamora. Just because Natasha’s back doesn’t mean he’ll not help the Guardians find one for Gamora. When they will finally get their mission done, he’s going to go back to Earth, live with his people, not as their ruler but as their protector. Protector not only to Asgardians but to all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I write about this the more domestic I made it to be, if it’s a disappointment, I’m sorry.
> 
> Next chapter will have a peak in what changes happened in Natasha’s life.


	3. James

Steve came to visit Clint one day. He’s not gonna lie, he’s there to try another chance to get something about Natasha.

He stayed for a while surveying for any clue when he founds a photo frame with Natasha and the Barton kids— there’s Lila, Cooper, Nathaniel and to his surprise a little boy about a year old sitting on Natasha’s lap looking at her, his hair is red. Just by his hair he could tell it’s Natasha’s.

“You missed out a lot after you went back in time.” Clint who came with two cups in his hand states the obvious fact.

His heart stings with the fact that he did, “Yeah, I did.”, he puts down the frame and asked, “Is she happy?” eyes still on her photo.

Clint came closer to hand him a cup of coffee, “Thanks to you.”.

Steve looks at him and asks, “What do you mean?”.

“You got her back from there… are you staying for the night?”

Later that night Steve went back to the compound, decided he would stay there for a while in hopes of Natasha calling them again despite doubting she will. He knows she already knew he’s there taking every little chance he gets to speak to her, Wanda would have warned her by now.

***

The next day while he was having his morning run. “On your left.” Sam announces, catching up to him.

Steve stopped putting his hands on his waist, catching his breath. Sam pass by him but before he gets further Steve spoke, “Did you know about her child?”.

Sam stopped already expecting him to ask this question after his visit at Clint’s yesterday. He turns to him as Steve stepped closer waiting for him to answer.

After catching his own breath, Sam started “I did, and if you’re gonna ask me who the father is then I tell you, you asked the wrong person. I don’t know, man.”

Steve stayed still, one hand on his waist one hand on the back of his neck. He know he shouldn’t be but he’s actually disappointed how Sam never told him about such a big revelation.

Sam noticing how he reacted finds it fitting to clear his name, “I didn’t know this is such a big deal Steve...“, Steve look at him, “it’s not my place to tell and it’s not like you’re the father.” Steve nods in agreement.

“Yeah, you were once ‘somewhat-a-thing’ before you went back in time, even before the the first snap... I knew that much.”, Sam can already tell, those years they were on the run —it maybe short but it’s enough for him to see, though both Steve and Natasha are just too stubborn to admit it to themselves. “But things are different now, and I don’t find any reason why I should be talking about it, you know?” Steve sighed, he knows he’s right at so many levels.

He started running off, back on his morning routine. Sam tried to catch up with him.

They’re resting under a tree— Sam still catching his breath while Steve is sitting on the ground eyes looking at the empty field in front of him.

“I met him…” Sam started, Steve turned his head towards his direction eager to listen to what he is about to say next.

“One time she asked to meet and she  showed up with a baby.” Sam paused for a while smiling at the thought of what  happened next, “For a second I asked myself ‘why? am I the father? Did I  possibly slept with her when we were both drunk?’” they both smiled at the  thought. “Without saying anything she read through me, she cleared my thoughts  then and there. ‘It’s not yours dumbass.’ just like that.”

“Just like Nat.” Steve states matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, so Natasha.” Sam agrees.

“Who else knows?”

“Clint, Wanda, Pepper of course… Rhodes knows too.” He looks at him and continues, “Fury and Hill... Banner and Bucky knew not too long ago.”. Steve raised a brow. “Yeah. Basically everyone at the compound.”

***

At the Barton’s... Natasha was actually living not too far from Clint’s farm. When she came back, she decided to go on indefinite hiatus again and Clint offered her to stay with them but Natasha declined the offer knowing Steve might want to see her when he comes back and she’s too far from wanting to see him just yet, so Clint offered her a place not too far from his place and Natasha took the offer after a long debate.

She was already two months in her pregnancy when she knew about it, she didn’t want to tell anyone at first. She was scared... it’s something she never thought would happen to her,  ‘I guess the sterilization has an exception’  she thought.

At five months she could no longer hide it from Clint, when he surprisingly visited her one time. He and Laura convinced Natasha to stay with them until she gives birth and few more months after, until it is safe for Natasha who doesn’t have any idea how to raise a kid herself to live separately. Natasha hesitated at first but she doesn’t want anything but for her baby to be at its safest and not being alone is the best she could think of.

“When will you talk to him?” Clint straight to the point asked her.

Natasha took a moment to respond, not certain of anything herself. “I don’t know. I’d like to but I don’t think it’s time.”.

Clint shook his head, “Then when will the right time be? It’s almost three years Nat.”  Clint counters.

Natasha furrowed, a little furious, “It might be long already but it’s not enough for me yet.” She says strongly, then she let out a sigh and start talking more softly, “It’s not that simple Clint.”.

Clint, realizing he’s pushing her on something she’s not ready yet, “I know—I’m sorry.” apologizes.

Natasha took his hand in hers, “I know you want to help him, because you’re grateful to him for bringing me back. But don’t, Clint.” she says softly knowing he won’t but still finding the need to tell him again.

He just smiled at her and she returned a soft smile back and that’s enough reassurance Natasha needs, no words needs to be said… she just knows, that’s how deep their friendship is. They both put trust on each other and they know whatever situation is there they will never break it— unless at the best spy sense they both have is telling them keeping it will only harm the other.

On the other hand, at the compound. Steve together with Pepper and Bruce spent their afternoon over a cup of coffee in the common room. The silence broke when Steve suddenly asked, “Is she happy?” They look at each other, sharing the same worry in their eyes.

“I’d like to think she is.” Bruce said, quite believing his own words.

Pepper on the other hand speaks the truth she knows of, “She is.”.

Nodding in acceptance, Steve throws another question heavier than the first one “Who’s the father?”. He doesn’t know why he’s asking but he just felt the need to.

Bruce lets out a heavy breath, “Honestly, only Clint, Pepper and Wanda knows.” He stops, thinking for a moment before adding, “Maybe Rhodey as well? I don’t know, I asked her once and we know better than to press her for answer.”. When Natasha came to visit them with James one day, he was in another level of surprised, she did tell him about not being able to have one before. His genius mind even miss the idea that there’s got to be a loophole somewhere.

Wanda who just came in to join them chimes in to the conversation. She looked at Steve who stayed silent, pain all over his blue eyes. “I know you’re in pain, I can feel it. I know part of you regretted leaving. I wish I could just tell you but I know her pain as well… too well.” she paused for a moment, feeling all the emotions she shared with Natasha the past years. “I’ve shared it with her and I just can’t… I can’t decide in her behalf, and I understand her.” She sat beside Steve and place her hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”.

***

Few days later after her overnight stay in Wakanda, Pepper decides to visits Natasha at her place. “Auntie Nat!” Morgan jumps to hug Natasha, she missed her auntie Nat.

“Morgan” Natasha felt overwhelming happiness in her heart, she hasn’t visited  Morgan for a long time.

“Where’s James?” she asked.

“Oh... you’re here for James huh, thought you missed me!” she grinned.

Morgan giggles and said “I do, and I  miss James too.”.

She smiled lovingly at her, “James is in his room.”.

Then Morgan ran off to meet James, to which Natasha smiled at the sight of  having another angel who loves her little James so much, she could never be more grateful.

She turns to Pepper and sighed a little knowing why she came to visit, she gestures for her to come in before saying, “I know why you are here, and don’t start me with it.”

Pepper just shook her head slightly, “You also know how stubborn I am…” she turns to her before continuing, giving her a point she could never argue about, “though not as much as you are.” She smiles and Natasha just rolled her eyes.

Natasha shifts her weight on one side letting one hand rest on her waist, “Pepper, I can’t… at least for now.”

Pepper sat down on her couch before giving her a lengthy speech, “Natasha I want to give you all the time you need but we’ve been through a lot… you” she gestures towards her, “me, the world, universe... who knows what tomorrow brings?” she tilts her head to look her straight in the eyes, “James is growing each day, he deserves to grow with him... and Steve deserves to be a dad to James.”.

Natasha gave her the look of acknowledgement, she knows Pepper is right, she always is. “You don’t have to be together, you just have to give him a chance…” Natasha sat down opposite her, “okay, not for Steve… at least for James.”.

Natasha frowns, “Pep, you know I can’t tell him… I mean, I can but…” no words came out after as she can’t find a valid reason not to tell him.

“He’s been asking who the father is.” Pepper stood up to get some water in her kitchen, “I guess you can’t hide the connection he has with James.”.

With a glass of water in her hand she went to Natasha, offering her the glass of water while putting her other hand on her shoulder, “You don’t have to tell him now, but you can’t hide it forever.”.

Natasha took the glass of water and Pepper sat beside her, “Each day pass and it’ll eventually lead him to the answers he’s been looking for. And I hope the truth will come from you before he finds out by himself, or worse... from someone else.”.

Natasha let all Pepper’s words sink in to her, it’s not like she haven’t thought about these possibilities but she never really took time to get lost in those thoughts deeper than she should. “Thanks.”.

“Anything for you Nat.” she stood and roams around, “Where’s Maria?”.

“Oh, Nick sent her on a mission. I guess the world never gets tired of asking for saving.” She manages to grin at the thought.

Pepper nods in agreement, “It’s five months away from James’ 2nd birthday. What’s the plan?”.

Natasha stood up and headed to James’ room, “Since it’s at Clint the last time, I guess it’s your place next?” She smiles at her.

“Oh God Natasha, you know I’d love that! Morgan’s gonna be so happy as well.”

Natasha didn’t want to celebrate her son’s birthday at her place because she doesn’t want anyone else aside from Pepper, Clint and Wanda to know where she stays. She could always not invite others but she feels like James deserves to receive all the love he can get. She doesn’t want a grand  celebration just a little gathering with all the ones close to her— in short, some of the Avengers which includes, Sam, Rhodey, Bruce and Thor. She wanted to  invite Bucky for Steve’s honor but she can’t risk the chance of him knowing  anything about James and possibly tell Steve, but maybe this time it’ll change.


	4. It’s Nice Seeing You Again

A month passed and Steve still hasn’t talked with Natasha. He was at the compound visiting his fellow Avengers, yes he has retired but he will always be a part of it though he’d only like to be called in when the world is in dire need of help which he hopes never to happen again.

He came to conclusion to visit them more often now, with the hopes that he’ll get the  answer he’s been searching despite knowing no one will give it to him.

Wanda is on the phone with Natasha, she called to inform of her visit and Wanda told her that Steve is currently at the compound. “Are you sure you’re still coming?” she asks doubtfully.

Natasha took a while but answered eventually, “Yeah, I guess it’s time.”.

Wanda on the other line smiled at the fact that she’s finally opening herself to meeting Steve, “Are you bringing James?”.

“No, not anymore.” She responds instantly, “I’ll leave him at Clint’s.”.

Wanda turned sensing Steve’s presence at her door step, “Kiss James for me.” she looks at Steve and gives him a smile. “See you, Nat. Bye.”, then they hung up. Wanda raised an eyebrow at Steve in a tease of him eavesdropping.

“She’s coming?” he leans on the door frame of her room, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to listen for the second time,” he grins, “I was just going to ask you if you’d like something for lunch.”.

“It’s okay, I’m going to tell you anyways.” she gave him a smile as an answer to his earlier question, “Do better this time.”.

Steve subtly nods.

***

“You sure ‘bout this?” Maria asks.

“Yeah. When was I not sure of things I’m about to do?” she counters, tilting her head a little to emphasize her point.

Upon arriving at the compound they were met by Sam and Bucky who just came in from a mission and still on their suits. After getting everyone back the world started to go as how it used to, with that they get small missions from time to time.

“Bout damn time.” Natasha just smiles at Sam’s remark and stepped closer to give him a hug.

“Wilson, Barnes.” Maria greets them, professionally.

“Hey” Natasha says, lips slightly raised on one side, a way of greeting Bucky. He nods to return her greeting.

They all went inside and found Steve and Wanda sitting side by side in the common room. “Nat”, Wanda stood up, went to Natasha and gave her a hug which she returns.

Natasha turned her gaze to Steve who’s now on his feet. Steve wanted to embrace her, he hasn’t seen her for years. Each day  feels like a year trying to get her to show herself in front of him. His eyes are slightly  watery, and he blinks it away trying to contain his feels. With all those realizations he had, he just wanted to hold her in his arms.

“Rogers.” Natasha greets him first, she can’t believe she’s seeing him for the first time since he left. She felt happy yet she feels the pain all over again. The pain she’s trying hard to forget, all came back like a waterfall without an end. She still manages to hide her emotions though, she’s Natasha Romanoff after all.

“Hill…” he chokes as he continues, “Natasha.” He can see it, for a moment he saw the pain in Natasha’s eyes before she puts on her mask to hide it. He feels a tight squeeze in his heart, he can never forgive himself for giving Natasha that pain.

“Hey”, Maria greets back her face not showing any kind of emotions.

“Uhh, this is awkward.” Bruce came from nowhere, his hair disheveled looking like he just had a fight with himself.

Sam, trying to ease the atmosphere butts in “That was my line.”.

Bruce scratching his temple with the stick he is holding “So this is how it felt.”, nods as he’s reminded how Sam said the same words seven years ago.

Natasha clears her throat, having everyone under her feet just like how capable she is all this time. “So yeah, I’m here for my quarterly visit to check what’s going on with the Avengers?”. She breaks the eye contact she was having with Steve for a while now. “Anything I need to know… I know Sam you’re doing great leading the team but you know me, it’s still in my blood. I still look after you boys.” She grins at Sam.

Sam just tilts his head left and right agreeing, “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, Rhodes must be waiting.”.

And just like that, Sam with Natasha  and Hill went to where Rhodey is waiting for them.

Steve stayed silent, pain still evident in his eyes. Bucky gave him a tap on the shoulder signaling him to follow him outside.

———

After a short silence, Bucky started, “She’ll talk to you.”.

Steve pressed his hands together, elbows on both knees. “I know. I’m just waiting for her to do so.”.

“So you’re gonna tell her?”

“If she lets me.”

“It’ll work pal.” Bucky tries to give him assurance he knows he needed.

“It will Buck…” he subtly nods as he looks on the ground beneath him unsure of how things will turn out. “because I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t.”.

A short silence before Wanda came out to tell them dinner will be ready in a few, “Am I interrupting?” she asks and when she doesn’t get an answer, just a look from Bucky assuring her she’s not, she continues, “Since Nat only comes few times a year, I decided to make something for dinner.” she’s explaining it to Steve more than to Bucky, she’s always done this whenever Natasha comes over.

They came in and help Wanda in setting up the table. Few minutes later Sam, Rhodes, Natasha and Maria came to join them. They had a little chats in between awkward silence all throughout their dinner.

“How are you?” Steve finally asked Natasha, “I haven’t seen you in years.” he speaks without looking at her, he can’t bring himself to do so afraid to see the hurt in her eyes again.

Natasha is a little taken aback when Steve spoke to her. She looks at his direction— he’s sitting at the center with two more seats away from her, which Bucky and Wanda are occupying. “I bet it’s decades to you.” She grins bitterly, she didn’t hesitate showing her bitterness for once in her life. Silence came to them once she lets out those words.

“I think I left something on my lab that needs my attention.” Bruce starts off trying to reason out something to save himself from the current suffocating atmosphere they are in.

“As much as I want to catch up with you Nat, I guess tonight is not the time.” And so he excused himself, escaping the awkward dinner they are sharing.

Rhodes who’s trying to stay silent as much as he could starts to speak out as well, “You know what, if we continue having this dinner in this atmosphere then one of us is probably gonna choke on their food right  about now.” and like a cue Maria started fake choking just to excuse herself as  well, “Yeah, I just did. I’ll just go get myself water.” She stood from her seat and made her way to the kitchen.

“There’s water here!” Sam calls after her, “That’s empty.” Maria responds loud enough for them to hear her.

Soon they finished their dinner and one by one retreating to the common room. Steve and Wanda was left doing the cleaning, “Go… talk to her.” Wanda orders Steve, and he nods before following Natasha outside.

*** 

Rhodey saw Steve approaching from where he and Natasha is standing on the east wing of the compound. “He’s heading here, will you be okay alone?” Nat nodded in response, “I’ll go check on Bruce.” Rhodey stood straight and started heading in, he gave Steve a brief nod as he goes his way to Bruce’s  lab.

“Hey, mind if I join you?” Steve asks before coming closer to her, respecting her privacy like he always did.

Natasha didn't turn to look at him but manages to say “No.” in response.

He walks closer to her and stood by her side leaning back on the railings in front of her.

Steve stayed silent trying to find a word to say but before he does, Natasha found her words first, “I’m sorry about a while ago. I didn’t mean to be rude.”.

“It’s okay, it’s the truth anyway.”

“What have you been up to since you came back?” she tried to keep the conversation going, instead of having an awkward silence. Silence between  them was never awkward and it never bother them before but things are different  now.

“Nothing really special, aside from trying to get information on your whereabouts.” Steve speaks truthfully.

“That I know of…” she turns to look at him for the first time since he stood next to her, “but what for?”.

Steve still can’t manage to meet her eyes, “I wanted to talk to you… I wanted to tell you something, but I guess it’s really hard to look for someone who doesn’t want to be found.” He lets out a heavy breath.

She lets her eyes register the image of him beside her, til’ her eyes fell on the ring on his finger, “I guess.” She turns to look back into the nothingness in front of her. Running away from the emotions trying to build up upon witnessing for the first time the sole evidence of him leaving everything behind— leaving her —for the one she has always believe to be the love of his life.

“Are you happy?” he asks, this time he turns to look at her anticipating her answer.

Natasha swallows and took a moment before throwing back his question instead of giving him an answer, “Were you happy?” eyes still looking forward.

“Nat…” he didn’t even get enough time to say what he was about to say when Natasha speaks again cutting him in, “Never mind, I already know the answer…” she breaths in before she continues, “I’ve always known.”.

“Nat, it’s not like that.” He started to speak out his side.

“Steve, I know, and I understand.” She stood straight, “It’s just… it’s been hard for me. I know I shouldn’t feel this way.” She turns to look at him, “I was the one who encouraged you to get a life, to go back when you had the chance that day.” She turns her gaze back in front of her after stating her point, “But things are just different the way it’s supposed to be. And you don’t have to explain.”.

Steve stood straight, and turns his body to face her, “But I do, and I want to... but before I do, I want to ask you one—.” Steve was cut off when Natasha’s alarm rings from her pocket.

She took it and turned it off, “I gotta go… it’s late. James—“, she stopped and changed the topic instantly, “it’s nice to see you again Steve.” She turned to head inside but before she could go any further Steve asks her, “Who’s the fa—“, Natasha quickly cuts him off once again by begging, “Please don’t… Please don’t ask that.” And then she went inside to inform Maria it’s time to go and said goodbye to everyone.

———

After a while, Wanda saw Steve still there where Natasha left him, alone, staring at the empty space beside him where Natasha was standing not too long ago.

“Hey” She leans on the glass wall facing him.

Steve didn’t have to look to know who it is, “I wasn’t able to tell her.” was all he could say.

“I suppose she didn’t let you.” Steve, now looking blankly at the ground underneath him. “Do you wanna hear a story?” She asks to which Steve looks up to meet her gaze, looking puzzled.

Wanda took his silence as an invitation to start speaking, “I once created my own reality...” she smiles at Steve, knowing how ridiculous this story could get, “months after we defeated Thanos… it had been five years since the first snap but it was only few hours for me.” she smiles sadly before continuing, Steve repositioned himself showing interest in what she’s about to share, “I was lost, I didn’t want to believe Vision is gone too… so I started  creating my own reality. At first, unconsciously.” she motioned to sit on the  chair at the corner. Steve nods, shifting himself to face her urging her to continue.

“And then I realized I was creating a reality I want to believe in... and I kept going.” She met Steve gaze once more, “A reality where Pietro... and Vis are there, alive.” She bows her head a little, hiding the pain she’s feeling. She’s still hurting but she has long accepted the reality.

“He was my husband… and we had two sons, Thomas and William.”. She takes a deep breathe and continues, “I made myself conceive them with the help of my powers.” She took a moment to remember those happy moments she had in the reality she thought she created. “And then Vis kept telling me they aren’t real, that my sons weren’t real…” He can feel her pain and he’s sorry he wasn’t there for her those times she needed guidance.

“I got furious, til’ I snapped out of the reality I thought I have.” She looked up to him, “Nat was there, holding me.” she smiled, he did the same. “She pulled me out, she held me.” Steve nods, he can imagine Natasha doing it, because it’s her, she always put others first before her  own.

Before Steve gets lost in his own thoughts he hears Wanda speaks again, “She shared my pain and I shared hers. We both lost the one we love, though in different ways.” She lets out a breathy laugh.

_Natasha loved him, did she knew it all along or did she just realize it after letting him go? He thought to himself. They did have deep connection but they never once labeled it as love, not until he lived in the past._

“She taughtme acceptance when she herself is struggling with it. We move on together and still is.”

_‘How far did she move on?’ He asks himself. ‘I hope it’s not too far to turn back... I hope it’s not too far that she’ll think it’ll only tire her if she goes back’. Thinking about Natasha when Wanda is sharing her story made him feel a little guilty for not focusing on her, but with those two statement he can’t help but get distracted._

“I’m sorry Wanda, I wasn’t here to guide you.” Steve says apologetically, hurting how he missed the chance of being there for her and for causing the same pain to Natasha.

Wanda shook her head, she then took Steve’s hand in hers before she continues, “I’m telling you this not to put guilt in you, but to remind you how strong she is.” she says with full of adoration, “She was suffering in her own but she’s there to keep me grounded.” she lets out a sad  smile, “But just as how strong she is, she’s twice fragile on the inside.”.

She lets go of his hand before she continues, “She used to not know how it feels to have a friend, a family. She used to not care for others... to love. That’s what makes her more fragile now than ever.” Wanda states matter-of-factly, understanding every bit of her as if she’d tried on her shoes. “You know how good she is at hiding her emotions.”.

Steve gave her a confused look so she looked for something easier to convey, “It may be a decade to you but it only feels like yesterday to her. Given the way she responded, she needs more time. She’ll eventually hear you out, and by then, do it right.” Steve nodded, “Be strong for her, wait for her, never give up on her.”.

“I won’t.”

*** 

Natasha thought she was ready to talk to him but turns out not fully yet. When she asked him if he was happy she already knew he is and realized she doesn’t want to hear it from his own mouth— it might trigger the pain she kept buried inside her. 

She’s happy that he found his happiness and she’d lie if she didn’t hope it was her instead. She’s happy he got to live the life he wanted but it didn’t make the pain hurt any less, just like love comes in different forms, pain does too.

When he asked her who the father is, she got scared —that he’s gonna hate her, thats she’ll have to  loose half the time she has with James for Steve to have his . But what scares her the most is Steve not believing it’s his, not  wanting it to be his... Steve is not that kind of person but she can’t help but get scared. He spent decades in the past after all, she wouldn’t know what changed... because that connection they once had, she believed it’s lost the moment he took that detour.

Natasha is sitting with Clint, Laura and Maria at the  Barton’s living room. “She almost snapped, I tell you.” Maria started, “She  basically told Steve ‘fuck, it might be lifetime to you but it’s only been yesterday  to me’.”

Clint laugh at the thought, “You shouldn’t have stopped  there, you’re better than just that Tasha. You could’ve roast him more.” Clint  says still laughing in between his sentences.

“I know and I would like to witness that but that  awkwardness was something I didn’t signed up for.” Maria shakes her head  recalling the night before.

Laura who’s still as composed as ever speaks her thoughts,  “I know time will come you’ll be ready to hear him out.”

Natasha looking at her, thankful that someone is still on their  right mind to talk something more important than making fun of the situation, “ I thought I was ready, but I realized I’m not ready hearing him say it.”

“Say what?” Laura questions.

Natasha shook her head, “I don’t know?” she looks at her  again before saying “How happy he was?”

“Oh Nat,” Laura only took her hand, trying to give the  comfort she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if WandaVision story is not accurate, I haven’t read any marvel comics. I just read some theories about WV series and read a very few facts about her sons. What I stated in this chapter about them —Wanda, Vision, Thomas and William are not exactly how it is in the comics or in the upcoming series. Thanks for understanding.


	5. Vision

Couple of weeks have passed and Steve got nothing on Natasha again. He comes more often to the compound now, not wanting to miss a chance of her coming for a visit.

“I found a way of bringing Vision back.” Bruce in his Professor Hulk form announces excitedly.

Steve who’s sitting on the couch looks behind him to meet Burce’s eyes, “You we’re doing what?”

“I was looking for a way to recreate Vision.” he says silently making sure no one else hears them. “I know. I know what your thinking. And no, Wanda doesn’t know yet.” he sat down opposite Steve’s, “I didn’t want to give her false hope.”. He pauses trying to make sense of what he’s about to do, “I know I shouldn’t, we thought creating him in the first place was a bad idea, it’s not even like me to dwell on things like this.” he stood up to get something to drink but before leaving he assures Steve one thing, “I’m not gonna do it without everyone’s permission... especially Wanda’s.” he looks at Steve once more before retreating.

Steve, though doubtful, felt like something part of him will be filled in if Bruce will be able to recreate Vision, but he also knows deep down that it won’t be the same Vision anymore. He sighs, just when he thought things will not get anymore complicated.

***

Natasha went to visit the compound the next day, after getting the news Bruce sent her about recreating Vision. She knows Steve will be there and she thought it’ll take her more time to have the courage to face him again but guess it’s easier now that it’s not the first time seeing him since he left for his past.

At the compound, Bruce waited for those who are willing to discuss about recreating Vision. He sent everyone a message about the matter. Natasha left James with Peter who’s not taking part of the discussion since he had not really spent time with Vision. Morgan was there too, with Peter and James at the compound.

Bruce came in first at the conference room. Rhodey came not long after, then Sam and Steve. Pepper is there as well together with Clint, Natasha and Wanda. Thor who was out of space wouldn’t get the message in time, with that, everyone is there.

Wanda sat in between Clint and Natasha, those two have been protective of her from the very start. Steve and Sam who spent years with them on the run was showing obvious concern as well.

Bruce clears his throat before starting, “So, everyone knows why were here. And you might think I’m crazy for thinking of recreating Vision when the probability of it would be low.” he emphasizes the last word, “But as most of you know, during the first war with Thanos.” Bruce started to tap things on his laptop, and shows slides that will support his claims, “Shuri— when we were in Wakanda, Shuri got almost ‘all’ the data of Vision, before Thanos’ minions came to attack her lab.”.

He started pacing around as he continues, “I was hesitant at first... I started thinking about recreating Vision not too long ago. I started off figuring things out myself, and when I got half probability of getting things done...” He stood still and look at the Avengers seating in front of him, “I decided to contact Shuri and consult her with all this.”.

Everyone was silent waiting for Bruce to continue. He then explained a few slides about how Vision was partly, Tony, him, Jarvis and etc., “Shuri was able to retrieve all the data she got on Vision. It’s not gonna be a hundred percent Vision without the mind stone but with all this data, we could get as much closer as we can to get a perfect Vision.”. He stops to focus on Wanda, “It will probably take time but I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.” he’s speaking mostly to Wanda, respecting whatever decision she makes.

Everyone’s attention turns toward her, knowing she’s the closest and most attached to Vision, so whatever her decision is, everyone’s going to respect that.

“Whats the risks?” Steve asks, when Wanda stayed silent.

Bruce turns his attention to Steve, “There’s less likely to have one, since we got the latest data of him, we’re not going to get another age of ultron phase.” he says confidently.

“What if there’s complications in the process?” Natasha was second to ask. She too wants the idea, she has spent years with Vision after all but mostly for Wanda if she wants that.

Bruce know complications could happen but he doesn’t show any doubt he won’t be able to make it, with the help of Shuri. “I’m sure we could get trough that.”

Wanda looks at Bruce with strong determination, “Do it.” she knows it might be different but she thought ‘what if’ he’ll be the Vision she shared feelings with, and with that she’s sure she’s not gonna trade that possibility just because she might get a different one. And how is that any different from the Vision they could have had 7 years ago, —at the battle of Wakanda— the moment he laid on that table getting ready for the mind stone to be extracted from him. “I’ll have whatever’s left of Vision.” she says hopefully. She has accepted that he’s gone and she’s still moving on but no matter how far her progress is she knows she deserves this uncertain chance she and Vision could have.

Bruce nods in approval, “Anyone else?”

“Wanda decided already, who’s opinion weighs more than hers when it’s Vision we’re talking about?” says Clint, to which everyone nods in approval.

———

Later after the meeting, Nat and Pepper went to Peter’s room to get their kids but found no one in there. On the other hand, Steve found Peter, Morgan and James in the empty field outside the compound when he was on his way to get some orange juice.

Without a second thought he approached the kids. “Parker”, he calls out to the him whom he used to call ‘Queens’.

Peter turned to the owner of the voice he’s so familiar with. “Captain!”, Steve lets out a sighed.

“I know, I know. But you haven’t officially retired yet, you’re just in indefinite hiatus. And you still live here from time to time, and we’re here in the compound that makes you still the Captain... we’ll without a shield.” he blabbers.

Steve didn’t really pay attention to his explanation, instead he’s attention is on James. It’s his first time and he felt overjoyed seeing him in flesh. “Can I carry him?” he asked, without taking his eyes off of James.

Peter’s brows furrowed, “Of course.” Steve took James in his arms and James placed his little hand on Steves face. James tries to pluck his his facial hair and giggles as he keeps failing on getting a hold of Steve’s stubble beard. Steves smile lovingly at James.

Peter questioningly looks at Steve, “You know what? You can pass as father and son.” he stated. _‘Because we are’_ Steve thought.

“I mean, any man at your age who’s carrying a baby would look like a father to anyone.” Peter innocently says. “Do you know who’s the father? Ohhh, of course you don’t Natasha wouldn’t have told you before me will she?”.

Steve raising both his eyebrows, still happily playing with baby James.

Peter looks closely, at Steve and back to James vice versa when he suddenly thought they kind of look similar now that they are together. “Are you sure you’re not the father?”. Peter opens his mouth wide in shock and covers it with his hand, realizing the big possibility of him being the father after putting two and two together.

From the inside, Natasha saw Steve walking hand in hand with James. She’s surprised how calm she is, staring at them from a distance. It’s wonderful view indeed. For a minute she just stand there watching and Pepper’s voice rang in her ears, _‘just give him a chance... okay not for Steve at least for James.’_. She frowns and went straight to the kitchen instead, giving them a little more time together.

“You’re listening after all. I’m glad.” Pepper came from behind her a few moments later. “I saw that. Thats one step closer Natasha. I’m happy for you.”

Natasha turned to face Pepper, “I’m just giving him a minute, no big deal.” Natasha hears another voice coming closer, “You better not talk about this now.” She warns Pepper, who just gave her a smile.

“Nat, where’s James?” Sam asks as he saw her in the kitchen.

“I was looking for him as well. Mind if I leave you guys here?”

“No, go ahead.”

———

“Mama” James ran towards his mother as Natasha meets him halfway. “Did you have fun?” She asked, using her softest voice for her precious little boy. James just smiled, and Steve approached them.

“Hi”

“Hi” Natasha responds.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Steve asks, nervously.

“Yeah. Everyone is, so why not.”

Peter just took in the view in front of him trying to find a sign that will confirm his curiosity.

Natasha took James in her arms, “James will need to take his nap, so...” she gestures inside as she continues, “we’ll go inside first.”. Steve nods and without hesitation Natasha turned her heels and went off. Peter and Morgan following them.

Peter looked behind him to see Steve still standing from a distance, “So, it’s not what I think it is right?” He tried to press Natasha for a confirmation, “He’s not the father right?” Natasha slows down, for him to catch up to her just to give him a death stare to which Peter gestures to zip his mouth.

*** 

Later that night, Steve is alone outside lost in his thoughts. He was glad enough that Natasha was at least letting him spend time with James.

A while ago he saw her on her way to kitchen and he knows she saw him with James. He felt like Natasha is opening up slowly, which he’s happy about. Taking little steps is all he need, he’s not gonna rush. He’s not gonna scare her away, especially now that he has James.

“Hey”

Steve leans back on his seat, inviting the familiar voice that came in. “Buck”.

Bucky sat on the empty seat beside him. “How was the discussion?”

“Bruce is doing it.” he shifts his gaze to Bucky raising his eyebrow at him. “We’re have you been?”

Bucky just let out a short laugh, “You sound like a strict father.”.

Steve grins as he believes he really sounded like one. “How is she?”

Bucky leans his elbows on his knees, fingers clasped together, “Better each day. She sometimes jokes how you choose to marry her aunt after everything that happened.” he smiles looking at his hands in front of him.

Steve nods, “I bet she does.”. He looked at Bucky and asked him curiously, “Is she ready to see me?”.

“She has always been.” he tilts his head to meet his gaze, “The question is... are you?” Steve furrows his brows in confusion.

“I know you’ve been trying to talk to Natasha... but you have all the time— you could’ve met her but you haven’t.” Bucky let’s out a long sigh, “As much as Natasha... Sharon deserves a closure too.”.

*** 

“You keep your eyes on Wanda.” Natasha orders, Sam nods.

Sam kisses James forehead before he passes him to his mom, “Buddy, you gotta remember your favorite uncle alright ? Don’t get too fooled with Hawkeye when I’m away.”, he says messing James short red hair. Good thing Clint didn’t hear him or it’ll be another long debate.

Clint who’s only visited the compound the first time this year took his time to say goodbye to each Avengers present. He has retired and has only seen them in very rare occasion. Soon enough he went to Natasha’s side, “Let’s go?” Natasha smiled in approval.

“See you Sam.” Clint hugs Sam before retreating to his truck, James in his arms now.

Natasha stayed for a moment before following Clint and Sam took the chance to try putting some sense to her, “You know you should hear him out right?”, Natasha pressed her lips together, inhaling an air. “I know Sam.”.

Sam can see it’s not easy for her as well, he knows what they were for each other those years they were on the run. What he doesn’t know fully was what happened in those five years he was gone that made Steve chose to return in the past.

Sam nods at her, and she smiles as she turns her heels to follow Clint. “Take care Nat... both of you.” She turns head slightly and raised her hand in the air for him.

Steve is at a distance watching the view of them in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a SteveNat fic but I can’t help giving some story to other characters as well. I honestly love all of them, no exceptions. ☺️
> 
> I hope it doesn’t ruin this fic more.


	6. Thor’s Back

The next day after they all agreed to the idea of recreating Vision, Bruce went to Wakanda to start discussing further with Shuri. Pepper and Morgan came with him.

Few days later Pepper and Morgan is back to their lake house. Natasha and James came to visit them. “How is he?” Natasha sat beside her with a plate of peanut butter sandwich on her one hand, offering Pepper some of it.

Pepper took a slice as she answers, “Not getting worse is the best we have.”. She sets the sandwich back to the plate before standing up to get her phone, “You know what, we’re less than three months away from James birthday now. I better start planning.” She scrolls through her phone to call someone.

Natasha swallows the sandwich she was chewing and half shouts at Pepper, “You know I want it as simple as possible. I know you Pepper, don’t even!”

A moment later a knock on the door can be heard, Natasha went to get it, already expecting who it will be. “God, you look mess.” she exclaims.

Maria just rolled her eyes and went straight ahead, throwing herself on the couch. “Nick is stressing me out!” she complains.

Natasha sat opposite her looking at her furious friend, “You know he’ll give you harder time if he hears you call him Nick.”

“Whatever, I’m off duty so who cares.” Maria reaches for some sandwich and took a big bite.

Natasha slouches on her seat asking, “What happened?”.

Maria swallows and released a heavy breath, “The only constant in this world— he’s secrets has secrets.”.

“Hey there.” Pepper greets her as she comes back from having a phone call. “Look at you... who did this to you?” gesturing to her appearance. Maria just rolled her eyes at her, knowing Pepper is exaggerating it to tease her.

***

Early morning at the compound, Happy was there to fetch Peter. He passed by the common room to get to Peter’s, when he was startled by a sudden presence of an unexpected appearance. He jumps on his feet ready to throw curses at him, but he was able to collect himself before he does once he recognizes who it is. “God. Lit—rally! You scared the shit out of me. You know I could’ve thrown something at you. I might have hurt you!” he says without a pause as he’s heart rate started to calm down at normal.

He’s loud laugh is enough to wake up everyone in the compound. “You look like you’re about to pee on your self!”, he continues laughing in between his words, “You should’ve seen yourself!” Happy was about to protest so he tried to stop his laughter. “I’m sorry...” still trying to hold his laugh, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”.

“Thor” Steve who was on his way out for his morning run stopped for a moment to greet his friend whom he haven’t seen in more than a year, “Captain” they shared a half hug and a pat on the back.

“Good to have you back here.” Thor told Steve.

“Look who’s talking.” Rhodey chimes in as he enters the scene with Peter following him. Peter went near him, still having the same amount of amazement after seeing Thor for the 2nd time after the battle. “Oh my God.” he exclaims softly.

Thor raises his brows in acknowledgment, “Yeah, I’m that...”

Peter counters back in realization, “Oh, I don’t mean it that way... I mean, yes you are but I don’t mean my... MY God. You know?” Peter awkwardly raises his arm in front of him hoping Thor’s gonna grab it to pull him in for a hug but he didn’t. Peter, feeling rejected settles for a tap on Thor’s very broad shoulder, “It’s nice to see you man... nice to see you again.”. He withdraws his hand from him pressing his lips in a thin line feeling awkward not getting the response he’s expecting.

Thor smiles widely then he grabs Peter in his strong arms pulling him in for a hug and giving him a normal yet strong pat on his back. “It’s good to see you too young man.”, he lets go of Peter who’s slightly coughing from the strong pats he gave him. Still holding on Peter in one hand and pointing at him with the other, “Was it, ant-man or bug-man?” Thor asks, brows meeting in between, a sign of needing confirmation.

“Uhh...” Peter gave him an awkward answer, “It’s, Spider-Man.”.

Thor’s voice went of a bit louder, “Of course! Of course... I remember, it’s spider man.” He laughs genuinely happy to see the familiar faces in front of him. It did feel longer than it actually is, he loves Earth after all as well as its people.

“Okay, okay. As much as this kid wants to spend the whole day admiring you, he can’t.” Rhodey cuts the reunion short as Peter needs to go now.

“As much as I want that as well, I can’t. I still need to send this kid to his parents...” Happy takes a look at his wrist watch, “right about, now.”

“Parents?” Thor asks confused, he might not be in that level of closeness to this kid but he knows as much as he needed.

Happy sends sharp looks to Peter, signaling him to get moving. “Stark’s...” he dramatically taps his watch with his index finger, “You wouldn’t want to keep Mrs. Stark waiting.”.

Rhodey nods knowingly, “Take note of that. As a busy woman, the least thing you want is to waste her time waiting.”.

***

Steve arrived earlier than the meeting time. It’s not really a problem to him if he has to wait couple of minutes for someone he’s meeting, than being the one to keep someone waiting.

Slightly drumming his fingers on the cup of coffee in front of him as he lets his mind think of what to say to Sharon once she arrives. Before he could get lost deeper in his thoughts he saw a familiar figure not too far away growing closer as she puts one foot in front of another. It’s Sharon. “Hi.” He manages, as she is now standing right beside the empty chair in front of him.

“Hi” she greets before she pulled the chair to take her seat. She wanted to give him a peck on his cheek but it wouldn’t feel right in their situation. She hasn’t seen him since he and his team was on the run, over four years ago —at least to her. “I suppose you’ve got a lot of histories to tell.” giving him a sharp look as to give weight on her words.

Steve clears his throat, he always knew Sharon is a straightforward type but experiencing it in this situation makes it feel like a blade is cutting on his flesh.

Sharon relaxes her muscles seeing how Steve felt being roasted just by her presence. “I don’t mean to scare you— though I know your not.” she leans back on her seat, making herself feel comfortable, “Let’s not make this awkward.”.

Steve smiles softly appreciating how she’s still as considerate even after all that happened between them. “Thanks.”.

Sharon raised an eyebrow at him, “Still doesn’t mean you’re off the hook Rogers.”

Steve nods knowing he has a lot of explanation to tell.

_ Steve and Sharon shared a good amount of time dating, he even once thought maybe it’s with her that he will get a life with. They were suppose to move in together but then the Accords happened and he thought maybe the world is against his happiness whatever time, decade, or future he is in.  But looking back at it now, he knows its faith that brought the Accords at that moment, if not, he might not have the things he has now. _

_They might not have the ending he once thought they’d have but he never regretted those time he spent with her. It was nothing more but few simple dates despite their busy duties but it was enough to fill in the life he has lived so far. It wasn’t intimate but it was sweet, the feelings they have for each other wasn’t strong enough to pass every hurdles on the way but it was soft and beautiful. It was his first relationship after all. The only regret he had with it, was not having the closure she deserved._

_When the Accord happened he never thought of how it’ll affect what they have. He was so occupied of saving Bucky, stopping Zemo, his fall-out with Tony, and the split-up of the Avengers. Even after the fight he was still occupied with Bucky’s choice of going under cryo, Rhodey undergoing treatment which he partly blames himself of, breaking his friends out of the raft, being on the run and being responsible of his teammates, and Natasha— Natasha whom he’s been worried of ever since she let them go from the airport, she’s reported to be on the run as well, he had to look for her, he has to make sure she’s safe. It wasn’t long when Natasha came to them. For a year and so of constant hiding, Thanos happened... then he found out Sharon was one of the dusted._

_In those two years, he got a few chances to get information on her and it shows she was doing fine and still working for CIA without getting caught from helping Captain America during those times, and it was enough for him, it was all he needed, he didn’t want to risk having her involved. And as days pass, he didn’t realize but he moved on with time from what they had, maybe it wasn’t deep enough that it flows that easy._

_He felt guilty of not giving ‘them’ proper closure before going back in time to marry her aunt, Peggy. Not like she’ll stop him from getting the life he wanted._

_He dated her in a year and half, drifted apart, went freely with the flow and when he was given a chance, he went back in time to marry the woman whom he kissed once and barely —personally— known in the span of 2 years they’ve spent together —with all the others, fighting the war that seems no end. To marry his first love, which happens to be her aunt —the fact he already knew before time traveling. In fact he has known Sharon deeper than just the Agent 13 she is, while he has known more of Agent Carter than Peggy herself (not until he time traveled) —because back then, they were not in the situation to get to know each other deeper._

She sipped in her coffee before she comments, “First love are special, I get it...” she sets her cup on the table and shifts her weight to her side resting her arm on the arm rest of the chair, “call me crazy but I would’ve been less shocked if you ditched me for Natasha rather than aunt Peggy.”

Steve furrowed his brows trying to see her point.

Sharon slightly shook her head, “I mean, I’m not downgrading my aunt... she’s great, I look up to her.” she looks him straight through his eyes, “But you really went back in time, leaving what you have worked hard to build here all these years... just to catch up again in the time you’ve long lost.”

Steve remained silent, he can’t deny the fact that she’s right about it. She took a long pause before breathing in a good amount of air, “I know you’ve regretted having lost your original time, that you’d love to go back there but I also know how far you’ve come since you woke up in this time. How you grew to love the people around you, and how thankful you are you woke up in their company. When you thought you lost everything... you have them.” She held his hand that is resting on the table, “And I witnessed a beautiful part of it.”

After unintentionally getting separated by the events of the Accords, coming back and forth through time, they finally got to sit down and talk about them. Steve finally gave the closure Sharon deserves, though she never was really sulking for it. And the closure he needed to aid his guilt of not giving it sooner and before marrying her aunt. It wasn’t surprising that neither of them shed tears, both of them have moved on from what they had already.

Steve told her details of his time travel and Sharon was not so surprised of how his time travel turned out.

“I’m happy you got the answers you need.”, she says genuinely happy for him. “Now that everything is clearer to you now—“

Steve cuts her in, “I should stop messing up.”.

She nods at him, “And you should get your ass moving.” she adds, encouraging him to use each second wisely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was only reminded that Staron never had proper closure in the movie so I added one. I should’ve add it earlier, because it makes Steve a coward for only meeting Sharon now 😓. Forgive me.


	7. Natasha’s Break Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a short chapter dedicated to Natasha.

“She did what?” Maria asks tilting her head half believing what she just heard.

Clint offers her a drink before throwing himself on the couch, sitting beside Laura with a sleeping Nathaniel on her lap. “Surprising right? I thought Black Widow would be harder to melt, but I guess America’s Ass is an exception.”, Laura gave him a nudge on his side. Clint wraps his arm around her and his other hand caressing Nathaniel’s head that’s resting on her lap.

“Well, I can’t really blame her.” Maria admits.

Natasha crosses her arms in front of her, Lila standing beside her, “Are you really gossiping about me in front of me?” emphasizing the first ‘me’ in her sentence.

Maria slouches in her seat shifting her gaze to her for a moment, “But really, I thought you’d go mad and take James right at that very moment...”, titling her head on the side, “but you actually gave him a time to play with... his son.”.

Natasha now sitting down in the dinning area with Lila braiding her hair. “I don’t see problem in it.” she says shrugging her shoulders.

“If there’s no problem in it then why don’t you tell him the truth.” Lila comments. Natasha turn to look up to her, “Lila, honey, it’s not that simple...” she grins as to change the topic feeling like she’s still young for this conversation, “Why don’t you go and play with Cooper outside? Make the most out of school break.”.

Lila tying her hair as she finished braiding it, “I’m not a kid anymore... you should stop thinking like you need to divert the topic auntie Nat.” She puts her hands on her waist to make a point, “And besides, I prefer shooting arrows than sweat off trying to chase a ball.”

Clint smiles at that, “Thats my hawkeye...” he says proudly, “why don’t we go for a round instead?”. Lila excitedly agrees to her dad. Soon enough they went out leaving the three woman and a sleeping Nathaniel inside.

“Nat... I’m just happy you’re making progress.” Laura says.

Natasha went to join them in the living room when Maria starts to recall her early months of pregnancy. “It feels like yesterday when I first saw you break down.” she shifts in her seat trying to get a comfortable position, “I never thought Black Widow won’t be a match for a pregnant woman’s hormonal changes.”

Laura smiled at the thought. It was one night when Maria visits Natasha who’s living at the Barton’s at that time when Natasha suddenly went from being furious to emotionally breaking down. They figured Steve went to the compound again trying to get Wanda to give him her location, it reminded her of the first time he did it.

_Natasha was angry, it’s her first time letting it out for someone to hear. “He left what he had for the woman he had lost for years longer than I could ever live.” she started pacing in the small space of the kitchen, a glass of water in her hand stopping to drink from it and try to calm her nerves down. “And now what? he’s been looking for me?”, setting the glass and holding on to the countertop to support herself. “What for? Wanting me back? Trying to apologize, to explain himself? Or to see what have I become after he left.”._

_Clint, after setting young Nathaniel in his bed, went to check on Natasha after he left her on the phone with Wanda not too long ago. Being the first family she had since leaving her dark past, kinda give them a connection that somehow let’s them know when one of them needs the other the most— well he did know Natasha needed him after the first snap but he was also at his worse that time, living in guilt of having survived while his wife and kids were dusted. The regret of not having anything he can do about it, regret of not being there to fight for the chance of stopping Thanos while all his team (despite being retired) was giving their lives to win the worst war in history. The anger towards the unfair fate his innocent family got when there are people who deserves to get dusted yet still living. He did check on her, making sure she at least survived the snap and once he saw her, though emotionally not looking so good either— it was enough for him before he turns to his dark side._

_Though the Black Widow in her never allowed her to break down, having an unfamiliar hormonal change in her body made Natasha shed tears. “He made his choice...” silently shedding tears, having her back face them so no one would see. “...despite me standing in front of him just before he went to return that damn tesseract.”._

_None of them tried to say some soothing words to her, though Laura being the only one who experienced pregnancy understands her pain a little deeper, slowly stood beside her to give her a comfort of afriend, a family, a mother. Placed her hand circling around her back as all of them just remained silent and all ears ready to listen, without any judgement._

_She continues, “I know I told him he could decide for his own, that I’d understand... but...” she swallows a lump of emotions hanging on her throat, “but I secretly hoped he’d chose me.” Laura shed a tear hearing the same desperate hope she once had, that kept buried deep down her —never able to let it out, until now._

_Clint was standing from a distance sharing her heartbreak silently, holding on his own tears. He had seen her at her worsts but each situations are painfully different on their own._

_Maria who has grown close to her, also in silent pain seeing her break down for the first time since they’ve know each other and worked together. She has always shown her her though side, which she admires so much but its the first time —despite being one of her closest—, to see the fragile side of Natasha Romanoff._

“Breaking down just shows your still human despite your past, Natasha.” Laura states, she’s always been trying to convince her with that truth.

Natasha smiled sweetly, “I know, I’ve long admitted that ever since I got James.”, she teasingly raised an eyebrow at her, “So you, along with everyone should stop stating that fact already.”. She lays down on the half part of the couch, “It’s not like I’m going to forget about it if you don’t keep reminding me.” she grins at them, knowing she has long embraced the fact that she’s not a monster after all.


	8. After The Third Snap

Pepper, together with Rhodey, Natasha and the kids arrived at Wakanda. They were met by the king himself, T’Challa, some of his Dora Milaje leaded by Okoye, and Shuri.

“Romanoff, its been like what? A year at most.” they exchanged smiles and a hand shake as greetings. “And is this James?” he gestures towards James who’s clinging onto Rhodey.

“Yeah.”, Natasha gives him a half apologetic smile.

“May I?”, T’Challa asks extending his arms open for James.

“Sure.”, James as if he knows who the good guys are immediately opens his arms for T’Challa.

T’Challa carrying James in one arm and playing with his little hand on the other, “I’m sad after all we’ve shared together, I’m still not worthy of being informed of this big news and has to learn it from Okoye.”.

Natasha smiles guiltily —not that T’Challa is counting the help he offered her and her team. “I know... I should’ve took advantage of the chance of having a royal treatment here.” she comments back playfully.

“Just say you’re a slow observer brother. I knew since she came here to visit when she was still on her early stage.” Shuri proudly points out, to which Natasha just smiled.

_Three months on her pregnancy when she first visited Wakanda after the battle with Thanos, after they got everyone back. Shuri being the good observer that she is, took notice. Natasha knew she did and they just shared a knowing smile but never spoke a word of it._

_Okoye on the other hand was the only Wakandan Natasha had officially told. Being one of those she fought side by side with when Thanos and his army first came to earth and one of the few who was left and willingly helped her rebuild the world in those five years after the tragedy — they somehow have this special bond._

After a short greetings, Okoye stayed with the kids while Shuri went to inform Bruce of his team’s arrival and is now in the intensive care unit.

“Hey there, ain’t sleeping for about three years enough yet?” she moves closer to the person lying on a ‘hospital-like’ bed— but a lot more tech-advanced — “You’re not planning on beating the Captain don’t you?” she gave him her signature grin though he wouldn’t see it, “Because I’m going to remind you, Pepper is really scary when she gets impatient.” Pepper shoots her a glare, but didn’t argue anyway. “Tony you better spare us another destruction.” she smiles, hoping he’ll at least hear her. And for the first time in her life, she’s welcome for any sarcastic remarks Tony usually shoots back.

_Tony rested his head to his right, seeming lifeless. Pepper finally let her tears fall soon as Tony shifted his gaze to nothingness. She didn’t want Tony’s last image of her to be in tears, pained, broken, she wants him to rest knowing she— their little angel, Morgan, Peter and the rest will be okay. That he has nothing to worry, they won and they’ll be okay and that it’s okay for him to finally rest._

_Still holding on to Tony, pressing a kiss on his cheek, and rested her head on his shoulder, crying. For a moment, she’s painfully accepting that this is the goodbye they’ll share in this lifetime._

_“It seems like Mr. Stark is fighting for his life.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke_

_Pepper pulled back a little, “What do you mean?”_

_“Mr. Stark’s heart rate is unstable but it seems like he refuses to give up the little life he still has left.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded._

_“Get him to my lab.”, Shuri orders, holding on to the tiny chance they have left of possibly saving him, some eyes shifted on to her, “Let’s at least try.”._

_“A tiny chance is all we need.” Stephen states, he saw this coming five years ago before he was dusted, but after this he didn’t look further of what will happen next yet he’s hopeful. He opens a portal straight to Shuri’s lab as Shuri starts to move preparing everything she needs._

_From where Tony is, Pepper didn’t waste any second and stepped aside as Tony’s body lifts in the air, slowly moving over and being laid on the operation table. Stephen followed instantly, ready to assist everything with all the knowledge, power and capabilities he have._

_The portal closes and Wong opens another one that will lead Pepper and those close to Tony, somewhere outside Shuri’s lab._

Natasha despite wanting to visit often, never really had the courage to. She’s afraid she might ran into Steve who often visits as well, but now that she already got to meet him at the compound she doesn’t have to be worried anymore.

Moments later Morgan can be seen outside the room Stark is in. Natasha, knowing it’s prohibited to crowd over the room went out to give Morgan and Pepper all the time for their family.

“I’ll go check on Bruce.”, Pepper nods. Soon as Natasha left the room Morgan went in.

She sat down on the chair Natasha occupied a while ago, she holds her father’s hand resting in front of her, “I miss you daddy... I love you... 3000.”.

One, two, three— three seconds. It took three seconds before Tony’s index finger to move slightly... and quick enough, that if you don’t pay close attention you would’ve missed it. “Shit!”, Morgan silently exclaims.

Pepper turned to her surprisingly, “Morgan!... baby, what did I tell you about that word?”.

Morgan hesitantly took her eyes out of her father’s hand hoping she’ll see and feel it move again, she quickly looks at her mom, “Mommy, daddy’s finger moved!”. She sets her eyes on to her father’s hand once again, just in time to see it move once more... twice as much now. Pepper saw it too.

———

Bruce is too busy to see someone come in from behind, “Hey Bruce, how’s it going?”. Natasha stood beside him to take a look. “Okay... I think this much is too much for my brain cells.”, she raises a brow trying to get as much understanding as she could.

Bruce looks at her releasing a soft laugh, “I bet it is.”.

Natasha turned to look at him, “You know I would instantly understand with just a little explanation here and there.” she grins, “I’m still a lot smarter than Captain America with these things.”.

Bruce shook his head ever so slightly, “Situation leads you to Steve from time to time...”. He scrolled on his tab, multi-tasking, “yet you still don’t have the courage to talk things out with him.”.

Natasha rolled her eyes at that, “Oh God. I’m in Wakanda, far and away, yet I still get this talks.”.

“Wherever you are...“, he faces her, “things left unsolved will always find a way to follow you.”.

“Sounds like you had enough experience.” she gave him a smirk before turning back to take a seat on the corner.

“Guys... whatever unfinished business you have here I just want to let you know, Tony’s up.” Rhodes came in a rush to relay the  good  news. All their reflexes activated and hurried down to where Tony is.

———

The night later, Pepper was seating outside taking in the view in front of her. Natasha went out to join her, “He’s gonna be okay.”. She moves over to sit beside her, “He made it through snapping that infinity stones... this is nothing.”.

Pepper smiles not even shifting her gaze, “I know... he didn’t gave up two years ago... he won’t now.”

Natasha looks at the empty field in front of her as well, “Yeah, he’s stubborn ass won’t... not when two beautiful people he has are waiting.”, she smiles a lot more hopeful now, realizing how rare ‘real second chances’ are.

_ ‘I guess I’m ready.’,  Natasha thought. _


	9. He’s Mine Isn’t He?

“So you didn’t came to check on me when you dropped by here, on your way to visit Tony.” Thor’s loud voice echoed in the compound, “I thought we became best friends, Lady Natasha.”.

With Thor being extra playful, Natasha knows he brought a good news. “You were out chasing Jane in New Jersey.”, she counters playfully, “You were the one who didn’t wait for me.”.

Steve was just standing there looking at her.

Natasha’s smile faded as she looks at Steve. Intentionally not saying anything, just to see him tense before she gave him a smirk. “And you, you were out... says you went home to your place.”.

Steve relaxes, seeing how Natasha is playing around with him.  _It’s another good sign _he  thought. Another step closer. He just don’t know how close he is. Sam gave him a congratulatory smile from where he is standing.

_“James is mine...” He says staring at nothing in particular as he rubs his thumb over his knuckles._

_Sam leans on the desk in front of Steve and crosses his arms in front of him, “Truths became less surprising each time.”._

_Bucky, silently listening from where he is sitting._

_Steve takes in a long breath, “I asked Peter and he says James is turning two.”_

_“Okay? So you slept with her.”_

_Steve just gave him silent confirmation._

_Sam nods, “Do I have to pretend that I am surprised?” he says like it’s a given that they did. After spending two years on the run together with them, he can’t deny the connection between the two of them. To him it was only a matter of time and situation before they give in to each others’ arms. But then Thanos came, and he lost track._

_They did, few times in the span of 5 years. “In times we need deeper comfort, I always find that someone to be Natasha. I’m sure it goes the same for her.”, he closes his eyes for a moment before he continues talking. “I always feel at ease, whenever I get lost with her and in exchange I wanted to make her feel the safest in my embrace.”._

_(One night they just happened to need each other. It was the first time Natasha got a possible lead in finding Clint, and the possibilities of what he has become,scares and worries her. On the other hand, it was the first time Steve took over Sam’s counseling sessions. Hearing stories from people who’s struggling to move forward and some who refuses to move forward. He came back to the compound he once called home, just in time to see Natasha lost in her own thoughts, —scared, hopeful, in denial._

_‘I don’t know if I’ve improve on my sneaking skills or you just really need a friend.’ He remembers telling her._

_There was really no time to talk deeper about them, not even once talked about the future ahead of them. There’s so much on her table, there’s so many people needed guidance, there’s too much emotions —pain, hope, responsibility, guilt, loss, name it— too much. Deep within they know something between them is special but it’s not time for them to embrace that thought, that reality. And Natasha thought ‘that’ time won’t come til they get everyone back, she didn’t want to put another guilt of being happy, having a life when half —and even more, from accidents caused by cars without drivers, planes without pilots— of the living things have been taken without any consent. She thought she’s only worthy of living a life if she gets to reverse the snap —holding on to the slightest hope even after Thanos used the stones to destroy the stones.)_

_“And when I asked her who the father is, she didn’t let me finish my sentence.”, Steve turns to look at Sam. “And that gives me the answer I needed.”._

Natasha brings his attention back to Thor, “So what good news do I have to know?”

Thor smiles widely, “I know you’ll read through me!”, he stood up from his seat ready to tell everyone a long good news. Without wasting another second he started sharing his adventure with the Guardians.

“So after we had our short visit when we got the news of you coming back...”

_/fb starts/_

_“I knew there’s got to be a way!” Thor exclaims, wrapping his arms around Natasha. Thor and the Guardians only got the news few months after._

_“It’s good to have you back.”, Nebula, though having that robotic expression still manages to show her sincerity in her words._

_Natasha thanked them for their warm welcome, even from Quill, Drax, and Mantis whom she’s only met._

_“I am Groot.” Groot adds, unfortunately despite seeing Groot for the second time they never get the chance to introduce themselves with each other._

_“Says, he’s thankful and welcomes you back.” Rocket explains. _

_Thor and the Guardians let themselves have this moment to recharge, before resuming their mission. Quill trying to get as much loophole he can, from Natasha who came back from the sacrifice. And when it’s time to go, they shared their goodbyes and swearing they’d soon visit Earth again— or them taking a trip to the galaxy, who knows._

_“Yeah yeah. I know this is heartfelt reunion and I hate to break it to you but we still got another life to bring back.” Rocket with his straight forward self, stated._

_“I’d really like to help as much as I can but that’s as much as I can offer.”, Natasha apologetically says._

_“It’s all you could give and its enough.”, Thor assures her._

_“It’s nice to have you back, Natasha.”, Rocket lets out a sincere comment for once. “But don’t be stupid and do things like that again, it’s a pain in the ass to have to try bringing back souls.”, he tries to make it less emotional because Rocket is not really a fan of showing these kind of emotions._

_“I’m glad to see you again too, Raccoon.” she counters back giving him a teasing look. Rocket just shook his head and headed to his— their ship._

_Mantis steps closer to give her a handshake, “Thank you... for not giving up on us... for bringing us back.”, Natasha smiles and took her hand, the thankful smile on Mantis’ face turns to a concerned one, “You’re broken... but your trying to stay strong for the life inside you.”._

_Natasha slowly withdraws her hand, to which Mantis apologized. She didn’t mean to read through her, it was just too much emotions that it naturally flows to Mantis’ consciousness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”._

_Natasha knows she didn’t so she smiles at her reassuringly, “I’d like to keep it between us...”, then Natasha looks to her side where Thor is frozen in surprise, “and him.”. Mantis understood and swears to keep it to themselves. Mantis retreats to join her team leaving her to speak with Thor._

_“Don’t.” Natasha warned him instantly, “Congratulations!” Thor speaks trying his best to lower his voice as much as he could, understanding Natasha wants this pregnancy to be as low-key as possible. He hugs her again in excitement. _

_“Thanks, but keep your mouth shut.” She says sharply._

_Thor pulls back, “Not even, Bruce?” Natasha shook her head, “Steve?”, Natasha shoots him sharper look, “Definitely not.”._

_Thor furrowed, “Okay... but who’s the father?”, he asks innocently. “Thor!” Natasha sounded determined as ever._

_/fb ends/_

Thor continues to share his adventure with the Guardians, from meeting 2014 Gamora, to Adam Warlock, and finding a way to bring back the soul of 2018 Gamora to 2014’s Gamora.

Everything seems to fall back in its rightful place, that’s what Steve thought. Having Natasha here, getting Quill’s girlfriend back, Thor at his best shape, Bruce at peace with Hulk, having a chance to re-create Vision, Tony’s improvement, Bucky... having the Bucky he has always known. Everything is going on pretty good that he’s starting to feel scared. There’s got to be one bad thing amongst these good ones, but he’s praying it’s not the case.

*** 

The sun is starting to set, the compound feels a lot livelier now that everyone is gathered —aside from Bruce and Tony who’s still in Wakanda, and probably, Vision.

“I checked on Bruce while I was in Wakanda.” Natasha starts. Wanda never got the courage to check on the progress.

“The progress is slow... I can tell they’re taking as much time they have to make the best they can do.”, she held her hands in hers. “I heard Helen Cho is coming to help as well.”.

Wanda smiles thankful of her consideration, “Thanks, Natasha.”, Natasha gave her a comforting smile. “Now I’m a lot better that I’ve heard what I want to hear...”, Wanda looks past Natasha to where Steve is sitting at the common room with Thor and Bucky. “Now go... I know you want to talk to him.”, she smiles.

They went to the where Steve is. “Thor, I’d like to talk to you about something that involves recreating Vision.”, Thor turns to Wanda surprised as he has only heard the news. Wanda gestures for him to follow, and so Thor did.

Bucky who knew what was coming next took his leave as well. “Sam! I need your help with something.” he shouts awkwardly excuses himself.

“Hey”, Natasha took a seat opposite Steve’s.

“Hi”, Steve replies.

Natasha bits her lower lip trying to build up the courage to say what she wants to say. “I... it took me long enough to get this courage of facing you.”, she smiled lowering her gaze on the ground. “Thanks for not pressing on things I’m not yet ready to talk about.”.

“Nat... No matter how long you’ll take, you know I’m always willing to wait for this moment right?”, Steve honestly believes she does.

Natasha took a moment to respond, she doesn’t want to say anything that would make things worse between them, but she also wants to be as honest with him, “I used to...”.

Steve’s expression slightly changes as he brace himself, knowing what he’ll hear next.

Natasha takes a deep breathe, “...since the time you chose to leave, I’m not so sure anymore.”, she swallows her emotion before it becomes too heavy. Steve remained silent.

She leans back in the couch, “But that’s not what I’m ready to talk about.”. Still avoiding Steve’s eyes.

Natasha’s anything but dumb, she knows Steve probably figured it by now. And though she’s afraid Steve might resent her for keeping it from him. For taking away the chance he has to spend the first few ‘firsts’ of James milestones, she’s ready for that.

After Tony showed signs of improvement few days ago, she realizes Steve coming back and not dying after living a life in the past might be the second chance James has, to have a father to grow up with. No matter which chance it is, she’s not going to take that away from her son. Second chance might not be for ‘them’ but James can have his.

Refusing to waste any second, Steve went straight to the point, “He’s mine, isn’t he?”. Looking straight to her eyes.

It took few seconds before she finally meets his eyes with hers, “I’m sorry, Steve.”, sincerity conveying in her eyes, then shifts her gaze somewhere else. “I’m not going to explain myself because it’ll only end up for my sake... but I am sincerely sorry, for keeping it to you.”.

Steve frowns, he wants to get angry and he has the right to but he also knows she has her reasons and whatever it is, she have all the rights to have those. He’s not perfect just like she’s not. He’s just glad she told him now than later. Another regret he has to add up on his list —for not being there for her (it must have been hard for her) and not being there as James grow til his at this age, but it will change now and he’s going to be the best father to him.

It was an easy discussion. Natasha didn’t expected it to be, she knows he’s angry deep down, that he has questions he wants to ask but he chose to keep it to himself, knowing the anger will die down and questions can wait. She’s just thankful that she has not seen any hesitation in his eyes but instead a determination to make it up to James.

“He’s 2nd birthday is in a little over a month. It’ll be held at Pepper’s”, she informs him before leaving to whichever part of the compound her feet brings her to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for adding Natasha x Guardians scene 😊.


	10. Welcome Back

Natasha visited the compound twice this week already, as it is the only place she allows Steve to spend time with his son. The Avengers at the compound has known he’s the father by now— Sam and Bucky knew from the talk they had. Then, Thor, Rhodey and Peter follows. Rhodey was not surprised, he did thought of the possibility, being one of the longest she knew— being close to her— she might not told him but she’s not trying to hide it from him either. And Peter who somewhat figured out still has a little exaggerated expression, amazed of how he turns out to be right.

They all congratulated him but not putting a big fuzz in it, understanding how painful it must have been for Natasha all along.

It’s not foreign to them how Steve and Natasha are always by each others side that even if they haven’t realized it between themselves, the others around them knows theres got to be a deeper connection there. They were afraid or just dumb to realize it when everyone else already does.

It’s one of those times Natasha visits the compound when Pepper —who’s been in Wakanda since the first time Tony woke up— called to inform them that Tony woke up the night before and is now stable and freely moving around.

“We’ll fly there right away.”, Natasha responds excitedly.

“Don’t bother Nat, we’re flying there tomorrow, okay? I know you all want to see him now but give him this day to rest.”, Pepper speaks from the other line.

“Okay Pep, I’ll tell the others.”

“Is that Red?”, Tony shouts from behind Pepper.

“Yeah but can you not move too much, you’re still under observation. Wait until you get discharged tomorrow. God, Tony! If it’s not for the fact that I almost lost you, I’d probably not have this patience with you right now.” Pepper puts her phone on her ear once again.

Before anyone could speak, Tony started talking loud again, “Red, I gotta talk to you once I get back.”. Tony despite his own situation, is just as happy hearing about Natasha’s comeback.

“Tell him to not mess up and be sure he’ll comeback healthy tomorrow or else he’ll not get the story he is so curious about.”, Natasha states knowing a part of Tony is probably curious about the soul stone.

They soon ended the call. Bruce leaving what he was doing to reunite with Tony who is now out of the intensive care unit. In his room there’s Pepper, Morgan, Bruce and T-Challa catching up with him. Bruce told him about how he, Shuri and Dr. Cho is trying to recreate Vision and Tony willingly offers his help.

The morning after he was officially discharged and was advised to take it easy for at least few months until his body can fully adjust after sleeping for years and taking a huge damage in his right arm. Before they flew back, he went to check on Burce to give his evaluation and opinion on the project.

———

Everyone was there to welcome Tony —Rhodey, Natasha, Steve, Clint, Thor, Peter, Wanda, Sam, Bucky, and even Scott— Pepper suggested to have everyone at their house so he won’t overwork himself but Tony insisted that the kids won’t do anything to stress him and that he wanted to see how the Avengers compound has become.

Rhodey being the first to welcome him in a hug —the best friend Tony always have. The gratefulness between them from being reunited is evident. “You really shouldn’t die on me twice Tony. That’s gonna be the last of the last.”.

Tony gave him a strong tap with his left arm. “I could have ride with you but I can’t be snapping with you.”, thinking how Rhodey reprimanded him about riding with him the next time he’s on business trip back in 2008, after he survived the kidnapping. They gave each other a relieve smile, having another chance of reunion.

“Is this the best you could do for a welcome party?”, Tony complained seeing nothing but their faces standing in front of him with nothing but a spacious area and plain walls of the compound.

“Seriously? No extravagant lightings, a bar with bartender to tend us, no spider webs all over the place.”, pointing out to Peter who’s overjoyed to see him back in his own feet. “No party music, no banner?”he shrugs and raises both eyebrows ready to make a playful remark, “Oh yeah, Banner is in Wakanda doing some resurrecting kind of stuff.”, he turns to face Wanda who tenses at the mention of it, “By the way, they’re doing great, you’d probably get your— ‘my’ Vision back.”.

Tony shifts his gaze from one person to another, stopping when his eyes fell to Bucky, “Don’t you think we still have a lot of things to discuss?”. All eyes on them as Bucky nervously nods.

After their short welcome, everyone went to do their own thing, chatting, getting food, etc..

Scott admiringly went closer to Tony, “I’m glad you’re back.”.

“Thanks, ant guy.”

Scott raises his brows, “Man, its man. Anyway, I wasn’t really a fan of you back in Germany but now I am. You were really cool when you snapped, ‘I am Iron Man’, and taking the fall for everyone.”. Tony started walking to the kitchen and Scott follows, “I admire your courage and you have a big heart.”.

“You know what?”, he stops to face Scott, “I kind of like you.”, he then resumed his way to the kitchen.

Scott’s mouth went agape, froze from where he stopped. ‘ _Tony Stark likes me’, _ he thought to himself.

“Don’t be too overwhelmed, I still remain at the top of the list.”, Peter proudly claims his spot.

All of a sudden an orange circular light appears and Tony was sucked in from below. Natasha who’s in the kitchen blinked twice, “So that’s how it works.”, barely startled.  _Nothing’s really surprising these days_,  she thought.

“What’s with you?” Tony found himself sitting in a chair opposite Strange, in just a matter of a second. “What made you think it’s okay to do that to a man who just woke up after a long sleep?”, he raises a brow at him, he’s not angry just being Tony. “Where was this treatment when Capsicles woke up from sleep way longer than I did.”, he covers his mouth with the idea he has in his mind. “Do you think we could go back in time and you do it to him... just imagine how terrified he’d be. I’d like to see that.”.

Stephen just kept a straight face. “Come on... you owe me one.”, Tony slouches on his seat.

“Tony, I know you’d make it.” he tilts his head as he admits, “though not when we were on Titan nor when you made the snap.”.

Tony stood up, “So you let me do it not knowing I’d survive...” he starts roaming around the room as if examining it, “You’re a doctor, you’re suppose to save lives but you’re willing to trade mine? I must say I’m disappointed.”. He stands firm on his feet, “This is why I don’t trust doctors— surgeons to operate on me back in the day.”.

Tony sits back on his chair, “I’m just kidding.” Strange knows he is, he’s Tony after all, he’ll exaggerate things for fun. “But really...” he started raising a finger imitating how Strange gave him the signal two years ago, “...what’s this? What would you do if I didn’t get that?”.

Stephen slightly presses his eyes close for a second, “You’d still do it anyway.”.

After their short reunion Stephen opened a portal for Tony to return to the compound.

Everyone exchanged stories Tony had missed, sarcastic remarks were thrown back and forth between, Clint, Tony, Sam and Rhodes. It lasted all day.

Morgan came running to Tony, Happy follows behind holding and being dragged by little James who’s chasing after her. Morgan carefully throws herself to her daddy’s side, “Daddy, why don’t we make an iron arm for you, just like uncle Bucky has?”, Tony along with the others looks at Morgan for a good while.

Unlike Bruce who got saved by the gamma radiation inside him — had half less damage compared to Tony’s, miraculously got his arm to function, though roughly, again with the help of Dr. Strange and had it artificially look physically healed with the help of Dr. Cho. Tony on the other hand lost full function of his right arm, while his face had multiple patch up from Helen as well.

“You know what? You’re really my daughter. We both have amazing brain.”, he kisses her forehead before he tells her to go to her mom. “It’s late, why don’t you go to your mom, she’s probably coming down to get you now.”.

Morgan hugs her daddy goodnight, “I know you’ll always have my back when she’s angry.”, she smiles lovingly to her father.

Happy who hands James to Steve made his comment, “But he won’t have mine if Pepper starts firing her anger at me so I better bring you to her now. Come on Morgan.”, Happy complains, clearly exhausted from running around with her and James all day.

Morgan hesitantly goes over to Happy. Once they went their way, Tony took a moment to observe Steve playing with James who’s sitting on his lap. “So, I’m the last one to know huh?”, Steve looks at Tony, giving him a smile.

Natasha on the corner answers him instead, “No...”, slightly pressing her lips upward and shaking her head, “Vision still hasn’t.” she gave him her signature smirk.

Tony looks at her direction, “Oh Red... don’t you have something interesting to tell me?”.

***

“See you soon little red spangles.”, Tony says disheveling his red hair.

James chuckles, “bye bye— take care.”, says softly with his limited vocabulary.

Tony’s face full of adoration, “Oh God. Pep don’t you miss having a little kid running around the house? I’m sure Morgan would like a little one to play with.”, Tony says, while James extends his arms to touch Tony’s facial hair. Tony gives him a toothy smile.

“I’m glad you made it Tony.” Thor says calm and sincerely, witnessing the snap two years ago had made him respect Stark even more.

Tony tilts his head to that, “Sleeping for almost three years made me realize something...” fingers rubbing under his chin, “when I said I would miss you back then, I think I really did... much more this time.” He states then he starts to move towards Steve, “Be honored, that came from Tony Stark himself.”.

He stops when he’s in-front of Steve then looks back at Thor, “It was at this exact ground when I said it.” He exclaims realizing the little detail.

“Oh, now I remember.” Thor says.

“Tony thanks... for talking it out with Bucky.”, Steve speaks soon as Tony shifts his eyes to him.

“Nah... I still want to punch him in his perfect face but I’m not risking the only hand I have left.”, Tony taps his shoulder as to say ‘I’ve-come-past-that-phase-now’. “Just wait until I get an iron hand attached on my shoulder.”, he whispers teasingly.

And soon Stark family went home to their lake house. Natasha, James and Clint did as well moments later.

***

Late night at the Stark’s lake house, Tony sat down beside Pepper on the porch finally getting their alone time. “I thought I really lost you there. I was honestly scared and I wanted to break down, but then I thought of Morgan... I need to be strong for her, for you.”, Pepper says, leaning her head on Tony’s chest, feeling... listening to his heartbeat.

Tony caresses her head, “I thought so too... when you said you’re going to be okay, I realize I couldn’t just give up without trying til my last breath. I couldn’t let Morgan grow old without a father... I know she’ll have father figure from the guys but I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to fulfill that role, because I grew up having one but not really experiencing one.”.

Pepper lifted her head a little to look him in the eyes.

“I got to meet him again in the 70s.”

They spent whole night catching up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve’s time travel and more SteveNat for the next chapters.


	11. James Turns 2

Months later.

Sun’s out, sky is clear, a beautiful afternoon indeed.

Loud greetings from side to side, hugs, kisses and being passed from one person to another... that’s how it is for the little red head. He just turned two.

James who used to always cling on to his favorite uncle, Clint has been following Bucky a lot these days. “Now that he got to meet his dad, seems like he found a new favorite.” Maria states her observation.

“Always the best friends”, Bucky —who’s been a lot more ‘Bucky’ now that he’s not only fixed by Shuri but has also reconciled with Tony.

Maria playfully argues, “I thought I was the best friend. Did-you-just-cheat-on-me’?”, she shoots sharp looks over her, Natasha just sips on her orange juice.

“I thought I was too.” Sam furrows his eyebrows, joining the fun conversation.

“We all are, they’re just lucky they’ve known them earlier... the only reason they got the title officially.”, Wanda says.

Tony’s competitive ass starts commenting, “The easy way to a kids heart is by being capable of providing everything they want.”, he puffed an air dramatically, “enjoy that ‘favorite’ title you have now because I’m gonna snatch it soon enough.”.

“Okay everybody, that’s enough it’s time for candles and wishes.”, Pepper announces, setting the cake ready. “Hand over the kid to his parents now.”

Candles were lit, Steve carrying James with Natasha on their side. “Make a wish.” Pepper says.

Without thinking otherwise, Steve made a wish of his own, —not his birthday, but did anyways. ‘To always have them close, safe.’. selfishly —for the second time he wants her close... he wants both of them close. James. Natasha.

The afternoon went pretty quick, having fun really does make time feel shorter. Some of them already went back to the Avengers Compound, ready for the after party —the welcome back, the gathering party.

Steve and Natasha somewhat got a time alone for themselves. Sitting by the lake talking about the day til they’re done recapping the celebration earlier and went quite. This silence is a lot peaceful now than the few ones they first shared after Steve’s comeback. Natasha’s done avoiding him, which made her feel lighter and for Steve, thankful.

“After we won, we took a moment to honor you... here. Everyone close to you, including those you work with during those 5 years, were here.” Steve recalls, “We didn’t have a body to burry, after I returned the stone it made sense... because we don’t have to.”.

Steve was looking ahead, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. Natasha’s eyes are on Steve, listening to every words he say. She knew they tried to give her funeral but it’s going to be the first time she’ll hear Steve’s side of the story.

“We we’re talking about giving you a funeral. I was hesitant... because I was hoping to get you back when I returned the stone... or at least get your body back. So we didn’t, and see if any will work.”.

Steve looked at her, “Thor went with the Guardians, with a strong will to get a way to bring you back.”, he smiled still admiring Thor’s strong will.

“I know.” Natasha says. An all-knowing and the same thankfulness in her eyes.

Steve looks ahead them once again, “He was in denial, we all were... Not seeing what happened yet witnessed your absence when everyone has returned.”.

Steve took a long pause before he finally said, “It broke me Nat.”.

Natasha who was looking at him all this time took and released a heavy breath, before shifting her gaze on the ground in front of her. She know where these conversation is heading, she half wants and half not want this conversation but she settled to surrender with the former.

Steve who’s eyes are still fixed on what’s in front of them continues after another prolonged pause, “The pain I had loosing Bucky was different than what I had when I— we lost you... I couldn’t really pinpoint then.”.

“Was it?”, Natasha speaks almost inaudible, giving him a grin— a grin that’s different from her usual one, this one carries pain. Steve can see it from the corner of his eye.

“While I was living in the 40s, I came to realize things deeper. I understood and cherish things more than I ever think I could.”, gathering all the courage he has, Steve looks at her direction, “Then I was afraid I might loose you forever.”. Things between them might not be the same anymore but just being able to see her is enough for him.

Natasha still not meeting his eyes so Steve gently put a hand over hers, and Natasha flinched ever so slightly. Steve felt a sting, _did she really drift away that much?_ And its answer is something he’s afraid to know of.

“I don’t even know how many chances I had with you that I wasted.” He took her hand to hold it with both of his, “I know I don’t have the right to ask this but...”

Steve felt like he had lost all his chances to finally live the life he wanted. And even if this doesn’t work, he might at least try.

_He went back in 1945, just after he went down the ice, just in time for their promised dance... the one that took him about eight decades to finally have. His date. Peggy was there, she waited for him despite knowing he won’t come (if not for his chance of going back). While he was living the life he thought he’s always wanted, the life he once wanted, with Peggy... he came to realize a lot has changed and that includes the person he wants to spend a life with... it’s not with Peggy anymore._

_Months later, she met her husband from his original timeline, Daniel. They’re suppose to develop feelings for each other, but not in this alternative universe he created. Steve married Peggy few months later, 1946. They’re marriage wasn’t all smooth. They were married for a three years before finally concluding it’s not working, and decided to end it._

_Since divorce wasn’t legal til 1960’s, they remained married in papers, in about two decades she was able to re-marry, with Daniel —a years later than they did in the original timeline... the only man she was supposed to marry. Peggy and Daniel did end up marrying even in the timeline he created, and maybe in all other universe where they exist. Steve realized, whatever change you try to make in whatever universe you create, everything still falls back to how it is supposed to be, and maybe his is always ending up in the future... that 21st century is always where he fits, where he gets the life he wants and deserves and it’s not with Peggy._

_Peggy did notice his change in appearance, having lived eleven years in the future, it made a change —though barely to his appearance. He looked more matured, she didn’t question nonetheless._

_A year after their marriage. Steve started acting different, like physically there but his heart and soul isn’t. With all honesty, Peggy did notice earlier than that but every time she asks him what it is, he’ll always change the topic —smoothly. Though Peggy is a woman with strong will and power she never press Steve with things he’s not ready to tell, she believes that Steve will eventually tell her on his own._

_Not long after Steve finally told Peggy, because she deserves to know. He told her he’s from the future, about the Avengers, Bucky, the infinity war, and his chance of getting this life with her that he lost decades ago._

_Having used his last pym particle to get to 1945, he’s stuck in this era until Steve got some pym particles with the help of Peggy’s connection to Hank in 1960’s. That’s when he got the chance to go back to the future and oddly, his present._

Steve stares at her hand on his, “...but if you allow me, if you still want to... let’s get the life we never had, together.”.

For a moment Natasha remained still, this is —was what she once wanted. The words she once want to hear from him. It’s still rings to her how wonderful that would be but she’s not sure anymore... not sure of herself, not sure of him, not sure of them. The only thing that’s clear is, wanting James to have both parents as he grows, a family but it doesn’t really mean being together in the same roof, being together as something more than friends.

Slowly, she took her hand from his, “I’m not sure Steve. I wanted to, but... I can’t trust myself...”. Natasha gathered up enough courage to look at him, “not to be reminded of the pain I felt when you left me for her, it’s something I’m not willing to experience again.” she paused for a moment before she continues, “These past years, whenever I think of giving us another try... I get reminded of the pain and it scares me, the thought of you leaving again... you did it once, how sure we are you won’t do that again if given a chance to?”.

A tear fell from the corner of Steve’s eye, “Nat.”.

Natasha shook her head, “It’s not that I blame anyone, I can’t. Even if I want to, there’s no one to blame... not even myself.”. If it was years ago, Natasha would have blame herself —for not doing better, for not being enough, but she’s better than self-blaming once again. “It’s just, I cannot let myself feel secured... in your arms, feeling loved just to get hurt again.”.

Steve shakes his head in disapproval, “Nat, no. It’s not gonna happen again. I’m not hurting you again. If you just let me.”

“I’d love to, Steve... I do but this...” she points to her heart, “is not ready, and I don’t know if it ever will.” she took a deep breath, “and this...” and she points to her head, “is giving me a hard time seeing this in positive light.”.

“Is it that hard? Giving me another chance...” Steve painfully asks.

“It is.” Natasha truthfully answers, “as wonderful the idea of starting again with you, it’s equally hard doing that.”.

Natasha looks at him, “Remember you once said it’s hard to find someone who shares life experience?” she smiles sadly, tears threatening to fall from her eyes, “Those 11 years... I thought It’s got to be enough for me to fall into criteria but it wasn’t...” a tear fell from the corner of their eyes in sync as if the tears itself felt how heavy their emotions are, “It will never be... however long it will be, i will never be enough.”.

Steve held her hand in his, wanting to tell her otherwise, but she continues talking before he could, “No one would ever beat your best girl. Not anyone, never me, and it’s embarrassing how at some point I thought I would.”.

Steve finally got his chance to speak, “Natasha, don’t ever think about beating someone else... you’re your own person and I love you for that.”, Steve isn’t even surprised he said that. He finally realized and admits he does and has been wanting to tell her that for over a decade when he was stuck in the past, and since he came back. Finally he got to say it, just not in the situation he imagined it to be.

Natasha hearing it from him for the first time, had mixed emotions. If it was three years ago then she would’ve been the happiest, but hearing it now is a mixed of sadness, regret, happiness, disbelief, doubts..., “Love?” she smiles bitterly, placing one of her hand that he held on top to envelop his, “Have you really?”. She thought he did at some point.

Her smile fades, “Because if you did, you would have stayed.”. she pressed her lips together, closing her eyes, swallowed the pain she’s feeling. She withdraws her hands from his.

“I did Nat, and I still do...” Steve says, eyes searching for hers begging for it to look at his. “I might have realized it late but I do.”

“You did... maybe I knew. But how much is enough to make you stay?”, she bows her head avoiding his gaze. “It must not be strong enough for you to not realize it sooner.”, she smiled bitterly.

Steve couldn’t find words to explain, back then he was blinded of the chance he had to get the life he once wanted. He held on too much to the loyalty, guilt, regret, loss and unfairness he felt of not getting a life he imagined to have after the war is over, that he didn’t realize his heart had long moved on and wanted something else.

“How much is enough for you to stop seeking strength from your compass, when I was there at your side all along?”.

Steve was dumbfounded, he never thought Natasha would feel that way whenever he brings out his compass. He can’t find anything to say than, “I’m sorry Nat.”.

“It was always like that... I was looking at you, looking at her.”, she smiles, she understood back then and she respects Peggy and the time they had but it’s a different story after he got a chance to go back and chose her, the thought of it brings pain now. “I was always there at your side but she’ll always be the one you want deep inside.”.

Natasha takes in a shaky breath, “Your compass will always lead you to her.”, she looks up to the sky, “And that compass mirrors your heart.” she turns to look at him, smiling. She felt a little relief for having able to release it to him, the things she wanted to say. Maybe this will set her free from all the emotions she’s buried inside, most especially the pain she’s been carrying all this time.

Steve meets her eyes, “Why did you let me go then?”.

Natasha couldn’t answer right away, it’s another ‘a-lot-of’ explanation to. After a moment of silence, it was Laura that broke it. “I’m sorry, but I think James needs his mom.”, Laura felt apologetic but she has no choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not be able to update in a while since I’m having internet connection problem at home. I’m currently using my mobile data to upload this one.


	12. He Came Back For Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly messed this up. I figured I used another plot for my next fic half way the story. Reason why it took me long to end this. But I’m, trying to end this anyway.

——

At the Avengers Compound,all of them are gathered, including those who couldn’t make it earlier for James’ birthday.

Pepper, Laura, and Maria are in one group chatting among themselves when Stephen joins them.

“Hi” Christine greets the women in front of them.

“Hey, Christine right?”, Pepper asks.

“Yes, my fiancé.” Stephen announces. Christine smiled lovingly at that.

“Oh, congratulations.”, they all congratulated the couple.

“Thanks, you all are invited.” Chrisine says happily.

Not far from them, there’s Valkyrie and Carol sitting at the bar, catching up with each other. Carol has been a little busy and couldn’t visit Earth often the past few months.

Around the corner, a messy trio can be seen, Happy, Wong and Luis —who had to beg Scott to let him come with them. Wong was following Strange until Strange ditched him and found himself trapped with these two people.

The younger ones, Groot, Shuri, Peter, Cassie, Lila, Cooper, Morgan, Nathaniel and James are with Mantis and Drax in the front field of the compound. Camping, chasing each other, playing boardgames. Drax pretending to be invincible trying to help Mantis win the game.

Back inside, there’s also Sharon, Sam and Bucky having good conversation in the kitchen. Chatting about their work and the bond they had outside work. Sharon has constantly been helping Bucky and Sam on their missions, whenever they needed one.

Moments later, T’Challa can be seen with Okoye and Bruce who has only arrived. Soon after, Okoye joins Peppers circle. While T’Challa and Bruce went over to where Steve’s circle is.

Few feet from them, Scott and Hope are exchanging greetings with the sisters, Nebula and Gamora.

“Hey Blue. How’s space?” Scott greets Nebula, “Who’s this?”.

“Gamora, my sister.”

“Ohhh, you... look different.”, Scott says, Hope nudges his side.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Hope.”

Hope and Gamora shared a handshake. “It’s nice to see you again.” she smiles at Nebula.

“You too.” Nebula responds.

“Excuse me.” Gamora excuses herself to meet Natasha who just came in from checking on James.

“Hey.” Natasha greets her as Gamora gets closer.

“Hi.” They sat down at the bar where Carol and Val is. “I’ve heard your story.”

Natasha grins, “Yeah, we somewhat came back from the Soul Realm, sort of.”.

“Somewhat.”.

From a distance, Quill, Rocket, Thor, Steve, Clint, Rhodey, Bruce and T’Challa are having their own conversations, occupying the biggest part of the common room.

“They’re gonna get along pretty well.”, Clint who can see Natasha and Gamora from a distance says.

Rocket with his glass of beer responds to that, “They got some real connection there, not everyone gets to spend time in the soul realm.”.

“Yeah? You wanna go next?” Quill asks, a little annoyed.

“Whats wrong with you man, you’re so sensitive.” Rocket counters.

“Don’t worry, this is how they normally talk.” Thor says, offering his Asgardian drink to Steve.

Steve accepts Thor’s offer and started drinking in his own glass, before he stood up to excuse himself. He went to look for James and soon enough found him.

From the balcony, Tony and Nick are having their own conversation. It’s the first time Fury went to see Tony after he woke up.

“I was really right about putting my trust in this team.”

“You must be really proud of bringing this team together.” Tony states, knowingly.

“I am.”, Nick nods ever so slightly. “And I am glad you’re back, Tony.”. Fury surely cares for this team more than he ever shows.

Tony looking at the kids from where he and Nick is, “Who would’ve thought a spy and a soldier having a child together.”.

“I should’ve known from the start when I assigned them as new partners.” Nick laughs.

From where Steve is playing with James and the kids, he saw Tony and Nick looking at his direction. Soon enough he starts heading towards them.

“Rogers.” Fury greets him as he got closer.

“Fury.”

Nick stood up from his seat. He gave Steve a squeeze in his shoulder as he whispers to his ear. “That’s the last time you do shit. Natasha’s been through enough.”, he stepped back to look him in his eyes. “I’ve got my eye on you.”, Steve nods and then Fury went inside leaving both men.

“We both know Fury can be really crazy when he’s being an over protective father.”

Steve sat down from where Fury did a while ago. “Fathers are always like that.”

Tony turns to him, “Oh! I almost forgot you’re a father now too.”.

Steve smiles, feeling proud to be a father.

“I never really got to talk to you about what happened.” Tony starts, “What happened when you returned the stones?”.

Steve took a while thinking where to start.

“Okay, let me rephrase that. What happened when you returned the tesseract?”

After a while Steve started, “She saw me.”, Steve breathes in, “When we first came there, I saw my photo on her desk. It was a photo before the serum.”. Steve smiles, “Then I saw her. I wanted to hold her, talk to her, but I know I can’t.”.

Tony nods, “Go on.”.

“And after we defeated Thanos. When I returned the stones, in 1970’s, I found myself standing in front of her office once again.”.

_ **/fb/** _

_‘Just one last look. I deserve that much.’ Steve thought._

_He was standing outside her office, peaking through the glass frame of the door. He saw Peggy staring at his photo. Emotions starts to build up in him._

_Peggy felt an odd presence from behind the door. Her reflexes were activated and she turned quickly to see who it is. For a second he met the man’s eyes, blue. She think she knows him. It took few seconds before she could utter, “Steve?” her voice is barely audible._

_For a second, Steve met her eyes. He turns and froze there for a moment before walking down the hallway. He can hear a door opened, it’s Peggy’s. He turns to the corner and stood there hiding. “Steve?”, he hears her call out for him._

_Peggy opened the door and called out for Steve, no one answered. Looking right and left searching for that familiar face, not there, “Of course.” Peggy laughs thinking it’s ridiculous. She went back inside and shut the door behind her._

_Steve could see Peggy’s back, as she went back inside. He took out his last particle, stared at it for a good minute._

_“You should get a life.”_

_“We should get a life.”, “You first.”_

_“As maybe the worlds leading authority on waiting too long, don’t.”_

_“We won.”_

_“At the stork club.”... “Don’t you dare be late.”_

_Mixed emotions are starting to build up. Should I? Shouldn’t I? He asked himself for a good minute._

_‘It’s my last chance.’, ‘Then take it.’ He heard the two soldiers who passed by, talking._

_‘Chance’, is this my chance? Of getting back what I’ve lost. Is my purpose in the future done? Am I supposed to go back after the war. If I miss this chance will I ever get another one?_

_After some thought, Steve found himself putting 1945 in his coordinates without realizing. He’s not totally sure of this, but he did anyway, activated his suit and traveled back to 1945._

_He somehow got to change his attire. Went to the Stork club. He saw Peggy, she came. ‘She came, she’s hoping I’d show up despite the crash.’ Steve thought. She’s putting on a brave front, he can see it. Steve slowly approaches her. Peggy can’t believe what she’s seeing, tears fell from her eyes._

_They shared the dance they’ve promised each other, they kissed._

_——_

_Few months later, they got married. Everything seems to feel right, but it’s not, he knows. The longer he stays in this time he once belonged, the more it felt foreign. The more he spends time with his best girl, the more he felt like he lost a part of him. He tried to look normal, not wanting any suspicions and burdens Peggy. But Peggy is a good observer._

_Few months after their marriage, she started to ask him questions. She doesn’t press for answers, and Steve is thankful for that. A year laterin their marriage, he decided to fill her in._

_“I think it’s time for me to tell the truth.”_

_Steve doesn’t know how to start it but somehow he did._

_“That explains why you kinda look different, physically more matured in a good way. A decade in the future did you good.” Peggy says, trying not to freak out of the revelation. “But what’s more different is how you become inside. You felt different... you’re here but I can barely reach you.”._

_“I’m sorry Peg.”_

_“No. I’m sorry, it’s partly my fault. I should’ve said goodbye instead agreeing for that dance... a date. We should’ve said our goodbyes and closed that door while we could’ve had to. Then it would’ve help you let go. All those time, you’re holding on to the bitter faith we had... I’m sorry.”._

_“No Peggy, it’s not your fault. I’ve met your future self, and you told me you lived your life. You fulfilled your purpose, you we’re contented and happy.”. Steve shakes his head, “But I still came back.”._

_“You’re not here because that’s what you want to, you’re here for the what if’s, Steve.”, Peggy places her hand on Steves shoulders. “So what do we do now?”, she asks._

_A little over a year, they became more of a friend than a married couple. They tried but it’s not working._

_Another year later, Peggy started to feel something for another man. And Steve, he’s beginning to look forward to the day he can go back to 2023._

_“Daniel, he’s a good man.”_

_Peggy didn’t know he’s his husband in the future. She doesn’t want to know nor asks who she’ll end up with, because she wants to fall in love with the love of her life naturally and not because she already knew who it’ll be._

_“I’m happy for you Peg.”, and he means it._

_Few more months and they decided to separate. They remained married on papers. Steve stayed at his old house, while Peggy gets to stay in once was theirs._

_A decade later, divorce was legalized. Nearly the same time Hank successfully made his first few Pym Particles._

_“Hank was hesitant, but I got to request one.”, Peggy handed him the particle, “Here. No more messing up Steve. I got mine and this time make sure not to miss yours. Make her yours.”._

_Steve’s eyes were full of hope, excitement and love, he’ll soon see the love of his life._

_“Go, Natasha must be waiting for you. Treat her right.”_

_Steve suddenly felt scared, is she waiting? Knowing he went back in time. “Do you think she is?”._

_Peggy frowns, feeling the pain he has in case Natasha won’t be there when he comes back. “Honestly, I don’t. She’s probably broken now, I too if I am her. No matter how strong a woman is, love can make them weak anytime.””, Peggy held his hand in hers, “But if she’s not, then it’s you who has to wait.”._

_Steve nods, “I will. Thanks Peg.”. He gave her another hug before he turns to Howard._

_“Will I be a good father to my son?”, Howard asks, worried._

_Steve smiles. He won’t try to change things anymore because in the end, everything will fall back in its place on their own. “You did what you could.”._

_He starts readying himself to travel through time again. “I’m sorry I can’t make it to your wedding.”, he looks at Peggy one last time. “Send my regards to Daniel.”._

_“I will.”, Peggy smiles lovingly at the thought of Daniel. “And Steve...”, she starts, “the time we had, the original one... it was beautiful while it lasted. Memories are memories for a reason, if you try to live it once more it’s not gonna be the same.”._

_Steve nods, they’ll always be a part of each others past, each others wonderful memories. But memories stays memories, while they will continue to grow, they’ll change. It’s not that they loved each other less, but they found someone whom they’ll love more than they ever thought they could._

_/fb ends/_

Steve and Tony remained silent for quite a moment.

“So you had to marry her to realize your heart already belongs to someone else.”, Tony starts, “No wonder Red is hesitant, how weak that love is for you to not realize? Or how strong were you holding on to your past that even Natasha can’t make you let go.”.

Steve doesn’t have anything to say to that.

Natasha found a corner to spend some time alone.

“I’m not sure if you want some time alone or you want someone to talk to.”

“Hey, haven’t seen you around.”

“I took a time alone for a while as well.”, Wanda gave her a smile.

“Here we are again.” Natasha says pressing her lips together.

“I saw you. Now that you know... how are you?”

“I don’t know. But I can’t say I’m not happy he came back for me.”, Natasha bows her head. Different emotions fighting inside, trying to take over her. “But the pain is still here.”.

“Take your time Natasha.”

_Natasha was on her way to join Steve and Tony outside when she heard them talking about his time travel._

_“Romanoff.”_

_“Nick.” she gave him a teasing smirk._

_“You know I’ve long givin’ up trying to remind you kids that it’s Fury.” he shakes his head in defeat._

_Natasha smiles knowing how her team does everything on their will, “No one asked you to bring all the hard headed individuals together. Are you leaving already?”._

_“Yeah, I’ll just see Carol and James and I’m out.”._

_Natasha hugs him, “Take care.”. She pulls back, “And come visit often, you know where to find me.”._

_Nick nods, “I’m proud of you Natasha.”._

_She smiles, a smile from being praised by a father._

_They went separate ways and she saw Tony and Steve on the balcony. She starts heading towards them, and when she’s inches away she hears Steve talking about his marriage. From there until the end._


	13. How Was He In The Past

1945

Steve got his dance.

He married Peggy months later, not wasting anymore time because who knows what will happen. He thought this is what he deserves, to come home after the war is over. He’s been through multiple wars, and he thought this chance of going back is his price.

A month in their marriage and Steve started to question things, unconsciously.

‘Love? Something wrong?’

‘No, nothing.’, She sat down beside him, refusing to believe.

‘But don’t you think we need to repaint, to make this look more like a home.’

‘What do you mean? You already did few days ago.’

‘Yeah. I did.’

Steve couldn’t quite figure what he really felt about this life he chose.

‘Should we go out for dinner?’, after a few moment he asks, brushing off his thoughts.

——

‘Love?’

‘Hey. Sorry, did I wake you up?’

‘No, it’s okay. Can’t sleep?’, she asked worried.

‘Some thoughts keeps me up at night.’ he laughs it off.

‘Like what?’

‘How things could go differently depends on the choices you make.’

‘Oh Steve, you’re so dramatic.’

——

Few months in their marriage. Peggy has noticed how Steve felt different, he seems to be bothered about something he’s yet to figure out. His sleepless nights comes more often now.

‘You’re bothered about something.’

‘It’s nothing. Probably just overwhelmed with everything that I have now.’, Steve tries to give her a reassuring smile.

‘Probably. But you have to get used to it. I’m not going anywhere Steve, if that’s what you’re scared of.’

Steve just nods, not really sure if it’s what bothers him.

‘It’s not what bothers you. I see. Once you figure it out, I’d like you to tell me.’.

——

It’s a Sunday morning. A day off and Peggy is preparing their breakfast. Bacon, egg, some toast and a cup of coffee.

‘Did we ran out of peanut butter?’

‘What do you think? You’ve been eating peanut butter sandwich these past few weeks.’

Steve smiles recalling, ‘A friend used to eat that all the time.’.

‘Who?’

Steve, after a moment, responds in a very low voice, ‘someone really close.’.

——

On his way back from his jog, he came across a girl sitting on a bench alone.

‘Hey kid, why are you out here alone?’

The young girl looked up to him. Green eyes. ‘I’m not.’, she points to the middle aged woman from across, holding a younger boy in her arms. Her mom.

‘My boy ran off, got to catch him.’, the woman explains.

_Green eyes._

_Natasha._

_How is she?_

_I hope you’re good._

_Now that everyone’s back there, I hope you’ll allow yourself to finally live your life._

_((Original timeline, 2022, Steve recalls._

_‘Nat, I think it’s enough time to—‘_

_‘If you’ll ask me to live a life, Steve, this is my life now.’, Natasha went to her desk, grabbing some papers, ‘This work... it’s the life I choose.’.))_

——

‘Natasha!’, Steve woke up, panting.

‘Who’s Natasha?’, Peggy sits on her side of the bed. ‘You’ve been having nightmares, and you seem to call for someone. Was that Natasha too?’.

Steve turns to his side where Peggy is. ‘Who is she?’, Peggy asks.

‘Peggy, I— uhmm. She’s someone special.’

‘Your past? How? I thought—‘

‘Let’s sleep.’, Steve says, knowing he won’t be able to go back to sleep.

Peggy seeing how Steve doesn’t want to talk about it decides not to argue.

——

1946

About a year later. Steve finally told Peggy he came from the future.

‘I think it’s time for me to tell the truth.’

‘What truth?’

Steve doesn’t know how to start it but somehow he did.

‘So what do we do now?’, she asks.

‘Try if this works?’ Steve frowns, ‘I’m not sure, I just don’t want to waste a possible chance without trying.’.

Peggy stayed silent, thinking of what’s best at the moment. Steve felt he’s pushing her.

‘I mean, we don’t have to...’

‘Okay, lets try. If we work, excellent. If we don’t then good, at least we took our chance. No more regrets and what if’s.’

——

One afternoon, Peggy and Steve talked more about his time in the future.

“Bucky. I got Bucky back, I fought for him.”

“You’ve always did.” Peggy adds.

Steve smiles recalling how worthy all those hardships are because in the end he got Bucky back.

“It’s Bucky.” Peggy starts, he looked up to her. “The connection you have in the past that you can’t let go... it’s Bucky, not me. You’ve misunderstood Steve.”.

_Til the end of the line..._ Steve can hear him say

——

‘You’re nightmares are getting worse.’

Steve breathes heavily. He’s been having nightmares of Bucky and Sam getting dusted, over and over again. Losing Tony at the final battle —he wonders how is he. And Natasha, constantly falling... even with him going back in time multiple times to save her, he always fails to. Nightmares that doesn’t seem to end.

‘It’s okay Steve. I’m sure they’re okay.’

——

1947

‘Who’s that?’

Peggy peaks from behind him. Steve was sketching on his journal.

‘That can’t be me. My jawline is sharp but not my chin.’

Steve is pulled back from his thoughts, looks at his sketch for a while before closing his journal. He was unconsciously sketching Natasha, while reminiscing his life in the future. Her hair, her sharp face structure. It’s unfinished but it’s undeniably Natasha.

‘Don’t tell me it’s Lorraine.’, Peggy raises her brow, playfully teasing him.

Peggy knew he came from the future but he never talked about his relationship with Natasha.

——

‘I was looking for something and accidentally dropped your journal and this came out.’

Peggy holding a paper folded in half, with a sketch of people in it. She didn’t read his journal, she wouldn’t and he knows.

Steve smiles, taking the sketch from her. Admiring the people drawn in it. Peggy stands beside him, as he introduces them to her.

‘This is Thor, without his hammer.’

‘The God of Thunder.’ She laughs still not believing, ‘I never have imagined meeting a God. Go on.’.

‘Sure you don’t.’ Steve continues, ‘This is Bruce, the big guy.’.

‘Hulk, the one who left. The reason why Bruce lost his chance with’, Peggy points out the only woman in the sketch, ‘Natasha, the Black Widow.’.

Steve nods, ‘And this, is Tony... Stark.’.

‘Stark.’ Peggy looks at him, questioning.

Steve subtly smiles, ‘Yeah, Howards son.’.

Peggy, looks at the sketch admiringly, ‘Iron Man. Howard must’ve been really proud.’.

‘He sure will.’, Steve believes so, ‘Me of course, and Clint, the bow and arrow.’, Steve concludes.

‘Hawkeye. Natasha’s best friend. Couldn’t imagine how painful it was for him to see her fall.’.

Steve, lost in his thoughts. Peggy took the other paper below.

‘Bucky...’

Steve got pulled from his thoughts. ‘Umm, and Sam.’.

‘The Falcon and The Winter Soldier.’ Peggy states.

——

1948

Steve has been sketching a lot lately. To kill time, to spend a sleepless night or to escape from his thoughts.

Peggy took Steve’s sketch book from the coffee table, while Steve is making their coffee.

A tall building, with an A at the top of it. Stark tower later on the Avengers Tower.

A woman hanging on an alien ship.

Shawarma.

Long haired Bucky.

Mjolnir.

A wide building with a spacious field. Avengers compound.

Short curly haired woman. A back view.

Sharp chin, straight shoulder length hair. Natasha.

A top view.

A man with a gem on his forehead and a woman with long hair and long coat.

Curly long hair, walking in the isle... a church isle.

Curly long hair, sitting on a bench holding a phone. Her side profile showing. Sharp nose, sharp chin. Natasha.

Natasha. Short straight haired Natasha. Smiling. A cup of coffee in her hands.

Sandwich and a peanut butter.

Falcon.

Bucky... dusted.

A woman covering her face, trying to contain her emotions. Hair loose, sitting on a chair. Natasha. And, a sandwich.

Braided hair, Natasha. Smiling. In white suite.

Mountain with two pillars.

A pond.

Steve came to sit beside her, handing her a cup of coffee.

Peggy took hers and sets it on the coffee table on the other side, as she flips to the next page of his sketch book.

An unfinished back view of Natasha.

‘It’s her.’ Peggy closes it and sets it on the center table. ‘It’s Natasha.’.

Peggy smiles. ‘Your obsession with peanut butter sandwich, it’s because of her.’

Steve remained silent, at this point he realized it already.

‘The reason of your sleepless nights, it’s them.’, Peggy sets her eyes on the sketch book in front of them.

Steve breathes in heavily. Peggy’s hurt for him, if only they said goodbye back then, he wouldn’t have come back in this time for nothing.

——

Steve is staring blankly outside. It’s 2 in the morning. Peggy rolled over, only to find out she’s alone in bed, again.

“I couldn’t remember the last time I actually found you in bed, sleeping.”

Steve turns to look at her apologetically.

“I’m sorry.”

Peggy sits opposite him.

“This isn’t working Steve, I think it’s enough time and effort to conclude its not.”

Steve doesn’t have to say a word to show he agrees. There were not much efforts from both sides to make it work because they knew their hearts are meant for someone else, no matter what universe it is.

“Ending what’s between us would not make you sleep at night, but its one step closer to find your peace.”

Steve remained silent, he doesn’t know what to do anymore, what to feel. Everything is out of place, he ruined it. His chance, Peggy’s.

Peggy can feel his lost, so she puts on a hand on his, giving him comfort. Though she knows, she won’t give as much as Natasha could give at this moment.

“It’s okay. You’re more than just Captain America, you’re a human. You can be weak, be dumb, foolish, make mistakes, regret but what’s important is what you choose to do after.”.

Steve felt the burning desire to go back, to the time he now belongs. The future.

“I’m going back, but I’ll need your help.”

“How?”

“Not now but I will.”, Steve knew years from now he’ll be able to get some particles from Hank.

——

After concluding their marriage, Steve stayed at his old place. Peggy sometimes visits him, and sometimes the other way around.

One afternoon, when Peggy came to check on him.

‘What’s the matter Steve?’

Steve trying hard to contain his emotions. He’s scared, he’s in pain.

‘What if I can’t right what I messed up?’ he pauses before he continues, ‘What if she won’t be there when I come back? I don’t know what I would do.’.

‘Oh Steve. You’re not going back because you know what you’ll do but because you’ll do anything, any ways, whatever it takes to win her back.’

Peggy sits beside him, ‘Besides, Bucky, Sam and the others are also there, the people you’ll come home to.’.

——

Early 1960’s

Steve is going through his old stuffs and found the ring he’s mother left for him. His’ parents wedding ring.

A knock on his door didn’t give him much time to day dream.

Peggy.

‘I got you good news. The one you’ve been waiting for.’

‘Pym Particles.’.

The night later he went back to his old stuff, he sets his compass leaving it in his old stuffs and taking his parents wedding ring, setting it beside his shield which he got from 2012 when he returned the stones.

Few weeks later, he and Peggy finally got divorced legally, just in time for him to go back in the future.

‘Send my regards to Daniel.’

‘I will.’

‘Thank Natasha for me.’

‘I will.’

Peggy is thankful of Natasha, for being there for him all throughout. For showing him the things he failed to see. For loving him as much as he deserves. For existing, so Steve could find the love of his life. And for everything else that she fails to point out.

——

‘Do you want to tell me about her?’

‘No, I don’t think I will.’

Sam rejoins Bucky and together they helped Bruce keep the machine, leaving Steve alone for a little while.

Steve took off his wedding bond, setting it down the bench. ‘I’m finally home. Thank you and goodbye, Peggy.’.

He stood up to join the others, helping Bruce and chatting for quite a good time.


	14. I Would’ve

Few days later, at the compound.

“I believe I am here for you.”

Wanda froze in her seat, she knows that voice so well, everyone does. His distinct voice wouldn’t be mistaken for anyone else’s. “Vis.” she says, her back still on him. A tear fell from her eyes, slowly, she turns to look at him.

“I’m sorry, it took me long.” he wiped her tear with the back of his finger. Wanda started crying even more. Vision stepped closer to hug her, “It’s okay.. I’m here now.”.

While they were catching up, downstairs, Hope and Natasha are having a quiet conversation.

“Scott is really enjoying his time with James.” she smiles, “He didn’t get to have that much leisure with Cassie, when she was that age.”.

Natasha nods, “It didn’t make him less of a good father.”.

Hope agrees, she doesn’t need to say it. “So” she pauses for a moment thinking if it’s appropriate to ask what she’s about to ask.

Natasha raises her brows, urging her to go on.

“If you loved each other, why let him go?”

Natasha smirks before countering her question, “If he loved me the way I did, why did he go?”.

“Right.” Hope softly laughs.

Natasha takes in a deep breathe, “I thought I couldn’t have this.”, she looks at James who’s at a distance playing with Scott, “A normal life, a child.”.

She swallows and shifts her gaze to the cup of coffee she’s holding. “I saw him, quite few times, admiring a family, playing around with a kid. Those are the only times I’ve seen him alive in those five years full of reminders of our failure. I can see it through his eyes. I know how much he wants that life, live normally with his own family, a wife, and his own child to raise.”, she shakes her head subtly, “and I thought I couldn’t give him that, and I didn’t want to give him less. I didn’t want him to settle for less when he deserves more than that.”.

_/fb/_

_Steve and Natasha saw a girl building a house for her dog._

_‘Hey kid.’_

_‘Mr., can you give me some hand.’_

_‘Yeah sure.’_

_They found out she’s the only one who survived from her family._

_Steve helped her while Natasha surveys the area in search for more kids who’s left orphaned and when she came back she saw Steve playing around with the little girl._

_Regret, Pain, Guilt were the first ones she saw in Steve’s eyes when he first approached the girl. Now, she can only see admiration in his eyes, and he’s having fun, for the first time in months after the snap._

_Few years later, while visiting Steve’s counseling session._

_‘One of the members. Parents with two kids, the other child was dusted.’_

_The mother joins the counseling, torn between being happy they still have one left or sorry for the one thats lost._

_‘She’s strong, acting strong in front of her son.’._

_Steve admiringly stares at the family, ‘I’d do anything for my kids too.’._

_Natasha just stares at him, thinking how great a father could Steve be and how great it’d be if she could be the one to give him that, but no, she’s incapable —she thought._

_/fb ends/_

Steve who accidentally came in soon as Natasha explains, stood there, silently listening from behind a compartment.

Natasha slightly tilts her head to look at Hope, pressing her lips together before continuing, “But he should’ve still stayed.”, she playfully remarks to ease the seriousness between them.

Hope just smiled at her, “Well, he should’ve.”, nodding in agreement.

Steve from where he is standing thought to himself, ‘I should’ve. If you told me I would still have.’.

_/fb/_

_Vormir_

_‘But that’s not the life you wanted’_

_Steve wanted to assure her that it’s not like that, that he’s happy in the present time, but he can’t find the words to tell her... deep down he’s also questioning himself, is this not the life he wanted? The one with Peggy in it._

_After a while, he responds softly, ‘It is.’._

_It won’t if you knew I couldn’t conceive, she thought to herself. ‘Go, it’s okay.’, she told him. It is not, deep down she knows it’s not._

_‘Don’t you want me to stay?’_

_‘I just want you to know, that if something happens when you return the stone. If you want to take the chance, that it’s okay. That I’ll be okay.’_

_‘Natasha.’_

_‘It’s amazing how small things can change our decisions, Steve. And I don’t want to hold you back.’_

_/fb ends/_

Natasha still remembers what she told him that moment in Vormir. She thought it will be easy to accept if Steve decides to go back in the past, but its not. Easier said than done, indeed.

She’d be lying if she didn’t hope he’d stay despite telling him she’ll be okay, despite the chance in front of him. She’d like to believe his love for her is strong enough to turn his back on that chance given to him. That the 11 years of knowing each other, 9 years of being partners and more than half a decade of sharing feelings for each other is more than enough to make him stay. That his family here are enough to be called home.

And because she hoped for it, it became more painful when it turned out the other way from what she hope for it to be.


	15. Maybe

Two years later, on James fourth birthday. The little boy was running around Steve's house. On his third birthday, they celebrated it at the compound, today it's at his father's. It's not his first time to be here, few months back, Natasha allowed James to spend some night at Steve's. James got along with his father so well that he whines to go with his dad sometimes.

For Natasha, it's her first time. Just like how she doesn't let Steve know where she lives —not that he still asks, she also has no plans on going to his. Not until today.

"Mommy", James extends his arm, fist close, gesturing to give her something.

Natasha opens her hand over James'. James placed a ring on her palm. 'What's this?'

"A ring.", James smiles at her, 'I know' is written all over Natasha's face. "It's yours.".

Natasha looks confused, "It's from dad.", he clarifies.

"Wow.", Sam comments from around the corner.

The night later, some of the visitors went home already. While Natasha, hums little James to sleep, Steve is watching by the door. A view he'd love to see every day.

Soon as James is asleep, Steve asked, "Staying?".

"Nah", she shakes her head 'no'. She was about to stand up when she remembers the ring. She took it from her pocket, stepped closer and handed him the ring, "If you're planning something stupid. Don't". Natasha heads out the room.

Steve stared at the ring in his palm, recalling how he got it.

1948, Steve went through his old things. He found his parents wedding bond. He recalls how his mother wanted him to give it to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Natasha then came up to his mind.

Ever since he got back to the future he's been taking it with him, wherever. Hoping one day he'll be able to give it to Natasha.

2025, two years after he came back. The first time Natasha appeared in front of him again. In the balcony, at the compound, after his conversation with Bucky.

_"It'll work pal."_

_"It will Buck... because I don't know what to do if it doesn't."._

_A short silence before Wanda came out to tell them dinner will be ready in a few, "Am I interrupting? Since Nat only comes few times a year, I decided to make something for dinner."._

_Bucky went in while Steve took a moment for himself before joining them to help prepare the table. He took out his parents ring from his pocket. He stared at it for a while, the woman he wants to wear this ring on is in the other room. The woman he hasn't seen in two years. The woman he came back for._

_Unconsciously he tried his father's ring on, when Bruce passed by and noticed him. 'Steve, you're not coming inside?'._

_Steve followed Bruce and soon they had dinner. After dinner, Rhodey and Natasha are alone at the balcony. Wanda told Steve to talk to her so he did. He went after Natasha and Rhodey left them to talk._

_Steve still can't manage to meet her eyes, "I wanted to talk to you... I wanted to tell you something, but I guess it's really hard to look for someone who doesn't want to be found."._

S_he lets her eyes register the image of him beside her, til' her eyes fell on the ring on his finger, "I guess." She turns to look back into the nothingness in front of her. Running away from the emotions trying to build up upon witnessing for the first time the sole evidence of him leaving everything behind— leaving her —for the one she has always believe to be the love of his life._

_"Are you happy?" he asks._

_"Were you happy?", she counters._

Few months ago, when James first stayed over. James made a lot of mess, he also found the ring in Steve's bedside table.

_'Daddy, what's this?'_

_'Wedding rings'_

_'Like in the movies?'_

_'Yeah', Steve laughs subtly._

_'Is this for mommy?'_

_Steve smiled. 'Why is this here? Why is mommy not wearing hers?'_

———

Few months later. Everything went back to normal between Steve and Natasha. It wasn't once in one go, it was a long process. One step at a time. Slowly but surely.

Steve, despite knowing why Natasha pushed him to take the chance he had to go back to the future, listened to her telling him directly why. He told her he would’ve stayed and Natasha believes him, because she knew what was his life when he went back in the past.

And Natasha, despite knowing his story in his time travel —after overhearing it years ago in his conversation with Tony, still listens to Steve telling her every details of it.

They listened to each other like they heard it for the first time.

They understood each other better now. They love each other deeper now. They’ll hold on to each other tighter now.

But, Natasha is not giving in just yet, despite being confident of the love Steve has for her, now that they patch things that happened in the past. The trauma she had of him leaving is still there, creeping out from time to time. Whenever they got close to how they were, she gets reminded of how Steve left.

Few more months and Natasha started to joke around Steve about their failed chance.

Few more months and Steve starts to counter Natasha’s jokes about their failed chance.

Few more years, then Steve felt it's okay to ask. For the first time, he did.

“Nat, will you give me another chance?”

“Nope.”

Natasha gave him her signature smirk.

Few more months with few more failed tries to ask her to give them another try, to date, to marry.

“Nope.”

“Nah.”

“No.”

“Not today.”

“Still no.”

Few more months with the same outcome.

And, Few more years.

“Nat. Will you take another chance with me?”, Steve wholeheartedly hopes she will.

“Maybe.”, Natasha smiles, happily.

**— END —**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who gave this a chance, to those who stayed til the last chapter despite of my poor writing. Thank you to those who appreciates this, despite of the messy delivery of the story. Thank you for understanding my poor English. And thank you for all the votes and comments you gave this. I’ve successfully ended my first ever all-English fic, and despite of it being flawed, I’m still happy because I got readers more than I expected. Thank you so much. Lastly, I’m posting a one shot Romanogers diary-like story, one for Steve and one for Natasha. I hope you’d give it a try as well. 😊 Once again, thanks a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to cut this into short parts.
> 
> Next Chapter would take place in the present, 2023.
> 
> Thanks for giving this a shot, hope you’d stay longer.


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